Jimmy Kimmel
Late-night hosts discussed various embarrassments from rightwing congressional Republicans, starting with the Georgia representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who just released her first book. MTG, as it’s called, is “the first book she’s ever written or read”, Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday night.
“It’s got a little bit of everything,” he said. “It’s got some revisionist history, it’s got some conspiracy theories, Jewish space lasers, and of course, Marge’s famous recipe for gazpacho police in a peach tree dish.”
The book has received many negative reviews online, “which I guess is what happens when you tell your supporters that reading makes them gay”, Kimmel laughed.
One of Greene’s worst recent ideas, he added, was to create a January 6 committee to investigate the January 6 committee. “And do January 6 all over again?” he wondered. “I guess it’s brilliant. Did she need to write a book? Couldn’t we have given her some crayons and a Denny’s placemat and got that out of her system?”
Stephen Colbert
To celebrate Joe Biden’s 81st birthday, Donald Trump released an alleged physical showing him to be healthy and in shape. “We all know Donald Trump is the picture of health. Specifically, the before picture,” Stephen Colbert joked on The Late Show.
In congressional news, the new speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, announced the release of 40,000 hours of January 6 footage. “No thanks,” said Colbert. “If I want to see 40,000 hours of people attacking each other near the Capitol, I’ll watch the real housewives of the Potomac.”
Maga supporters have “used the footage to bolster their January 6 conspiracy theories”, he explained. The Louisiana representative Clay Higgins, for example, spent time during a hearing to ask the FBI director, Christopher Wray, about “ghost buses”, which he explained were vehicles “used for secret purposes” during January 6 to bring FBI informants “dressed as Trump supporters”. That was his only explanation for why a few buses were painted white.
“Or follow me down the rabbit hole here … they were just white buses,” Colbert laughed. “There’s this thing called Occam’s razor, which is what I use to cut my ears off when Clay Higgins speaks.”
But “not everyone is trying to put Trump back in office”, he continued. “We hear a lot of warnings from a large group of anti-Trump radicals. They’re called ‘people who have worked with him’.” This week, the Washington Post interviewed 16 former Trump aides who all had the same message: Trump shouldn’t be president.
“That’s a little bit of a red flag,” Colbert deadpanned. “It’s like a Hinge profile that says ‘The funny thing about me is: all my exes testified against me at the sentencing.’”
Seth Meyers
During a speech at the White House on Monday, Biden joked about turning 60 instead of 81. “Man, nothing drives home how very old you are more than joking you’re only 60,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “That’s still discount-bus-fare old.”
In remarks at the White House, Biden also appeared to mix up Taylor Swift and Britney Spears, “and just like that, lost 30m votes,” Meyers joked.
The mix-up was “almost as bad as the time former president Trump called Tim Cook ‘Tim Apple’, thought Frederick Douglass was alive, called Second Corinthians ‘Two Corinthians’, called Kevin McCarthy ‘Steve’, called Paul Ryan ‘Ron’, walked out of an executive order ceremony after forgetting to sign an executive order and suggested injecting bleach to kill Covid”, he added.
And a new survey found that nearly half of Americans are traveling during the holiday season to visit loved ones. “The other half are visiting family,” Meyers deadpanned.
