There are many gross behaviours in this world which couples can partake in, should they so please: excessive PDA; talking about themselves as a “we”; posting about each other on Instagram with captions that are longer than four lines; referring to each other as “this one” at any point (i.e. drinks with this one, dinner with this one, ritual sacrifice with this one).
But the worst of all, the most criminal offence, is getting matching tattoos. Not just because it’s stupid — I pray that the Office for National Statistics looks into the breakup rates of couples with matching tattoos versus those without — but because it is so hideously uncool. Have you ever seen a good matching tattoo? Nope.
