It might have been 12 years since Jason Watkins' daughter died but he still lives with the fact that he will never see his baby girl Maude again every day.
The Crown actor's two-year-old daughter was his sunny little girl who used to love playing hide and seek.
And after more than a decade without her, Jason's all-consuming grief can still come crashing back when he sees another toddler's face or hears a certain song that reminds him of the child he lost.
Maudie died in the early hours of New Year's Day in 2011 from a cruel silent killer - sepsis.
Severe breathlessness, high temperature and confusion are all symptoms of the condition that saw Maude's immune system overreact to an infection and attack her tissues and organs.
Her doting dad Jason said his grief still hits him "like a train" some days and he has to sob to release the pain.
Discussing Maude's death in 2020, Jason told ITV news anchor Kylie Pentelow on the Britain Get Talking podcast, he said: "There are days when you just don't want to have to think about it too much.
"Then of course there are days when there is nothing you can do about it but it just consumes you.
"It'll just hit you like a train. It could be anything. It's cliched but you can hear or a song or see a child's face and it all comes back.
"But again once one has cried a bit, you feel that you have touched the thing that is most painful to you and you are able to cope better."
Since her death, Jason has been a proud patron of Child Bereavement UK and also dedicated his 2015 BAFTA to Maudie, as well as raising more awareness of the condition.
Now, the 60-year-old and his wife Clara are sharing their story in an emotional ITV1 and ITVX documentary.
Currently, the couple are preparing to move from their home where Maudie was born in 2009 and also the place where she sadly passed away.
In the documentary, Jason & Clara: In Memory of Maudie, the couple meets other parents who have lost children as well as attend therapy for the first time to help process their grief.
Speaking about their daughter, the former EastEnders actor said: "My memories of Maude are that she was such a happy child and very wise and very, kind of, centred. It's strange because she was only two-and-a-half, she used to play hide and seek, she used to love hide and seek."
The actor bravely discusses the inquest into Maude's death, as well as visits King's College Hospital to meet with Professor Akash Deep who is currently running a training programme to teach doctors and nurses to spot the signs of sepsis.
Explaining why he and Clara decided to create a documentary, Jason told 260 guests at the Vue Cinema in Leicester Square: "We made it because we know so many families go through the pain of losing a child - and that by sharing our normal but quirky family, it shows that you can survive such adversity, in an imperfect way.
"Sepsis is such a difficult condition to diagnose and the better awareness amongst us all, which the film can radiate, can save lives."
Jason added that he hopes his documentary will show that support is available for those who lose children.
Following the death of Maudie, Jason threw himself into work, explaining that it was a "fantastic release" to be back doing comedy and found himself filming Trollied for Sky after four/five months.
"The requirement of doing the job made you be somewhere else and made you be able to place your brain somewhere else," he explained.
However, he admits he struggled once the cameras stopped rolling, explaining that he "relied" on the people he was working with.
But while he and Clara struggled, they also found telling their daughter Bessie that her sister had tragically passed away, explaining that the "shocking thing" came as she was in the home at the time.
"You can use euphemisms of heaven and those sort of things," he said before adding: "Whatever helps for you is the way to do it, you have to say that she's not coming back, that's the difficult part."
At the time, Jason admitted that he wasn't as financially secure as he is now and found himself applying to social services to receive income support as he hadn't had major success.
Recalling his painful ordeal, he said that he and Clara had to tell their story "over and over again" and he now hopes that this can be changed as they were also unable to receive mental counselling as the facility had been closed down.
Jason & Clara: In Memory of Maudie airs tonight at 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX.
