Bristol Rovers goalkeeper James Belshaw admits recent weeks have been challenging after losing his place in the team, but after being restored to the side last time out, he believes he has grown from the experience.
Belshaw was a hero of last season's promotion campaign and as the reigning player of the year, there was surprise among the fanbase when Joey Barton made the decision to sign and start goalkeeper Ellery Balcombe – on loan from Brentford – for five games until Belshaw was recalled for Saturday's 3-0 win at Oxford United.
Barton's decision to bring in 23-year-old Balcombe, who had been on loan at League Two Crawley Town in the first half of the season, and drop Belshaw was motivated by Rovers' poor defensive record and a desire for more competition for places, with player-goalkeeping coach Anssi Jaakkola a different, more old-school style than the modern sweeper-keeper Barton wants between the posts.
The lowest point in the episode for Belshaw came when the Gas faced Ipswich Town on February 14, with the keeper left out of the squad altogether as Barton cited concerns over his attitude and training performances before warning he may not play for the club again. Belshaw says the situation was compounded by difficulties away from the game.
But he is keen to draw a line under the matter and move forward, insisting there are no grudges and after weeks of noise and attention on Rovers' goalkeeping situation, Belshaw is eager to get down to business.
"The way it played out, there was probably more attention drawn to the goalkeeping situation than anyone really wanted; Ellery, me and the gaffer," he said. "The gaffer has to make big calls and that’s what he decided to go with.
"Before the Ipswich game, we had a disagreement. As a player, you want to play games of football, but it was dealt with, we shook hands and there was no bad blood.
"That week, off the field there were a few things going on off the field that compounded everything and it was a really tough week for me personally, with a few family things going on behind the scenes that were tough to take.
"It just felt like everything was coming at once, but those are the kind of periods you learn about yourself as a person and a goalkeeper.
"There is no kind of animosity, I want three points, whoever is playing. You want to be in the jersey but the main thing is the team winning. Fortunately, on Saturday we did that.
"As a footballer, you want to be playing games, and when you’re out of the side or you find yourself not playing it’s tough. For the past four or five weeks, it’s been a difficult time and I’ve had some difficult moments off the field that has kind of been compounding everything.
"It was a tough sort of spell but as a professional and as a goalkeeper you have to keep putting the work in every day. It’s a difficult position because you’re not going to get brought on for 10-15 minutes to stake your claim for a place. You’ve just got to be ready and training when your chance comes and for me, that was last Saturday and it’s nice to be back out there playing."
While it has been a challenging period for Belshaw – and Balcombe, too, after coming under scrutiny from supporters in a high-pressure situation with the team out of form – the 32-year-old believes the process has benefitted him
"The gaffer wanted to stimulate competition in the goalkeeper department and he has done that," Belshaw continued. "We’ve got a great goalkeeping department whoever plays and it’s about turning this form around, getting three points, trying to shoot up the league and whoever is in possession of the gloves is doing that, and good luck to them.
"When you’re out of the side and training every day when you’re preparing for a game but you know you’re not in the starting XI, it’s a different vibe as a footballer. You want that adrenaline rush and buzz of playing on a Saturday.
"There was a lot of emotion at the end of the game (at Oxford). It is a tough time for any footballer when you’re out of the side. I got a nice reception from the fans.
"It’s easy when you’re out of the side to doubt yourself and have confidence knocks, and you look at yourself and what you can improve, but the only person who is going to believe in yourself is yourself; I’m the only one that is out there that can do it.
"It was a tough period, but allowed me to grow and become a better goalkeeper as a result."
The "goalkeepers' union" is a long-established cliche in the game, and there is an element of truth to it with the amount of time glovemen spend together on the training ground. But unlike every other position in the team, there is only one spot to go around.
That generates a level of rivalry and competition, yet also a bond and understanding of the unique challenges not faced by outfield players, which Belshaw moved to explain.
"It’s a very strange dynamic and people say goalkeepers are strange anyway, but that kind of environment you create in the goalkeeping union at every club it’s such a strange dynamic to explain to anyone who has not been in it," he said.
"They are some of the closest people at the club because you’re spending all your time with them, when you watch Ellery you understand what he’s going through mentally and the decisions he’s making.
"You sort of see things from a different point of view there and it’s a difficult situation."
Now the number one role is back in Belshaw's possession, he is desperate to keep hold of it, and he hopes to make it back-to-back clean sheets when the Gas host Barnsley at the Mem on Saturday.
Prior to his recall, Rovers had been on a dreadful run of five defeats in six league games, but with three points added to the total, he hopes to play his part in an upturn in form in the weeks ahead.
"Momentum is a big thing in football," he added. "You can lose it very quickly and you can gain it very quickly. When you’re riding that sort of crest of the wave as you saw at the end of last season you become hard to beat.
"There are not many games left and we’re in the latter part of the season. It was important to turn that run of form we have been through around. A win, an away win, three points and a clean sheet on Saturday certainly did that.
"It makes training a lot different and it makes the environment around the place a lot better and the mood around the camp is a lot better after three points. We have to concentrate now on backing that up on Saturday."
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