I have a friend who recently entered the dating game after being in a long term relationship for more than ten years. The stories this woman has told me are wild. From a man accusing her of catfishing him for not disclosing her race, to another expecting her to foot the entire bill and drive him home - on the first date. She’s seen and heard a lot. It appears she’s not alone. According to this Reddit thread, there’s no shortage of men behaving badly but believing they aren't. Redditor RedemptionKingu racked up thousands of comments when they asked Women of Reddit: What's one thing men do that they think is attractive, but actually isn't?
The OP told Bored Panda they'd seen the question before directed at men. "I wanted to see what the answers would be like when I switch the genders," they said. "There were lots of answers like 'being an alpha male' which didn't surprise me, but some stories and anecdotes were interesting and surprising." Keep scrolling for some of the worst things a man can do when trying to impress a woman. And don't miss the chat we had with dating coach Blaine Anderson about how to improve your game.
#1
Support Trump (or any other politician who thinks they have authority over women's bodies).
Image credits: Comprehensive_Link67
If you pull your smoothest move, thinking it’s going to help you score. But all you get is a sigh of disgust. The problem might lie with you, my friend. Blaine Anderson is a dating coach and founder of "Dating By Blaine". Anderson recently did a survey of more than 2,000 American women to find out what they considered "creepy." Here’s what she discovered...
The number one creepiest thing you can do to a woman is stare at them. More than half of the respondents told Anderson they’d experienced intense, creepy staring in the past 12 months. To be fair, some men might not even realize they’re doing something wrong. For them, Anderson has this advice: commit to what she calls the ‘two look max’ rule. Basically, it’s normal to look at someone that crosses your path. And it’s normal to sometimes give them a second glance. But that’s exactly it. A glance. Which means a look that lasts less than five seconds. And don’t do it more than twice.
Anderson agreed to speak to Bored Panda and give some advice to the men who think they're cool when they are in fact, ice cold. We began by asking her what things men do that they might think are attractive but really aren't.
#2
I can’t stand when a man looks at you and does like a little licking his lips thing that just grosses me out. You’re not sexy. It is nasty. stop.
Image credits: DwightsJelloStapler
“Many guys incorrectly assume that talking about money — particularly boasting about how much money they make — attracts women, when it's actually a huge turn-off to anyone but extreme gold diggers,” Anderson told Bored Panda. “Talking about money is a turn-off because the underlying psychology is approval-seeking. If a woman senses you're trying to wow her with your finances, all it actually tells her is that you're not on her level.”
Anderson is now happily married. But admits she had her fair share of “braggy” men during her dating days. “I've had multiple guys try to tell me how much they make on first dates. Super cringe. A guy once invited me on an expensive Europe trip on a first date,” she said.
The dating coach added that men should pay close attention to the cues they get from women. “If you're meeting a woman for the first time, the key signs she's not attracted to you all have to do with how much attention she pays you. If she's not making an effort to engage with you in conversation, and especially if she's turning away from you or physically moving away from you, it's a sign she's not attracted to you.”
"The way you turn the situation around is by moving on. You probably can't change a woman's mind about you — at least in the short term — but you can always find someone else you're attracted to who will give you a shot!"
#3
Talking about how sore i'm gonna be the next day. Some guys for some reason think they're doing sex the best when they're hurting their partner (outside of consensual kinks), and I don't think that's attractive or good.
“The key mistake I see men make in dating is wishful thinking. Many guys, especially less experienced guys, will misinterpret friendliness for romantic interest,” she revealed. “So, the key red flag men need to look out for is unavailability. It doesn't matter how much a woman texts you, or how flirty she is when she texts. If she won't meet up with you in-person for dates, you're wasting your time.”
“Focus less on dating, and focus more on upleveling yourself. Once you get your life into a place where you're proud of yourself — because you're proud of your career, and you have real friends, and you're taking care of your health and fitness — dating tends to take care of itself,” advised Anderson. "Carve out a couple hours a week to spend time in places where women you like spend time, and start conversations! You don't have to ask anyone out, just be friendly, and you'll be surprised at how much you'll learn, and how much progress you'll make."
#4
When they aspire to be an "alpha male".
Image credits: crazycatlady331
#5
Put down other men to try and elevate their image to me. It does the opposite to their desired effect.
Image credits: Missgrumpy00
#6
Wearing too much cologne, if I can smell you from across the room you're doing it wrong! It should act as a small enhancer of your natural smell, so that *if* someone does get close to you they won't have to hold their breath.
Anderson also suggests turning eye contact into conversation. If can’t you can’t stop staring, start speaking. Go over and introduce yourself. She says staring can be creepy because the starer's intentions are unknown. And adds that by introducing yourself in a friendly way, you can avoid problems, and make new connections. Here are some pick-up lines for when you need inspiration. And here are some some savage comebacks you might encounter if your flirting falls flat.
She had the following advice for women, "If a man is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, I'd recommend calling it out (assuming it's safe!) then moving on. So, for example, if a guy is sending you messages that feel creepy, it's OK to say something like, 'Hey, I'm sure you don't mean to make me feel this way, but I feel uncomfortable with this conversation. Please don't contact me again,' and then hit the block button."
#7
When they give advice I didn't ask for.
Image credits: maria_the_robot
#8
Send unsolicited pics.
Image credits: Mistyam
#9
When they think they’re being a gentleman but actually being possessive/controlling : ex. Ordering food for you without asking what you like, being randomly aggressive to other men for supposedly “looking at my woman”, critiquing woman’s outfit to cover you up when you go outside cus he doesn’t like other men looking.
Putting down other women aka “you’re not like other girls/my exes”.
Image credits: bossamemucho
On the subject of messages... You think you’re being sexy sliding into someone’s DMs? There’s a good chance you aren’t. The second creepiest thing women reported in Anderson's survey was unwanted messaging from strangers on social media. 43% of all women and 48% of single women said they’d experienced creepy, unsolicited contact. Anderson says men should avoid doing this unless the woman has given them permission.
But, as you might have read, some love stories have actually begun in the DMs. Anderson says if you’re going to try it, make sure you have mutual friends, that her profile is easily discoverable and she’s using her real name (don’t be a stalker), and that you’ve met her in person and have a valid reason to follow up. No random small talk.
#10
I care more that your car is clean and you drive it safely than the make and model.
#11
Play mind games. The whole « treat her mean to keep her keen » thing is simply incredibly cruel and manipulative.
Image credits: GenerativePotiron
#12
On Tinder I see a bunch of guys list “whiskey” as their only interest. Not even a sentence, just the single word. I think they think it makes them look sophisticated, but it just makes them look insufferable.
Image credits: houndsoflu
Steer clear of commenting on a woman’s body or her outfit, advises Anderson. The third most disturbing thing women reported was receiving a creepy comment disguised as a “compliment”. As Modusoperandi40 noted in the Reddit thread: “Giving sexual compliments or compliments about certain body parts when they first meet you. Thanks, but sir…you are still a stranger, that’s just making me uncomfortable. Can we get to know each other first?”
#13
Brag about how successful they are with women. It always comes across as desperate and not really believable.
Image credits: winkstav
#14
Reckless driving with me in the car, especially when it's MY car. It's not showing off your skills, it's giving me an anxiety attack.
Being (repeatedly) ultra competitive with mundane things, especially when I say I don't want to compete.
Grabbing me when I'm in the middle of doing something, then just standing there, not helping.
Interpreting "being manly" as being unhygienic, and refusing to shower/groom because then it will wash off your "natural musk". No, you're a lazy f**k that smells.
#15
Listen to Joe Rogan or Elon musk.
Image credits: SnooStrawberries620
Mistyam got over 5,000 upvotes for their reply: “Send unsolicited d*ck pics.” And redditors jumped in with what their perfect response to receiving one of “those”. “Just reply with ‘Aw, he is so small and cute!’ wrote SoThrowawayy0. While werewere-kokako quipped, “What are we supposed to say? ‘You have the conversational skills of a brick but, wow, your unwashed, slightly crooked penis has won me over. The banana for scale is an inspired touch. Take me; I’m yours.’" Bored Panda has this advice: Just don’t do it. If you do, you might just end up having this happen to you. You have been warned.
#16
Unkind behavior. Things like negging, bragging, acting 'dominant'. That just tells me that you're an insecure, fake, and/or immoral person, which is a deal-breaker for me.
#17
Sleeping with as many women as they possibly can while demanding his future wife be a virgin.
#18
Revving their engines. Immediately turns me into the Sahara.
Researchers surveyed 7,000 people between the ages of 18 and 65, to find out what men and women find attractive. They found that on a scale of 0-100, “On average, females rate age, education, intelligence, income, trust, and emotional connection around 9 to 14 points higher than males.” Most guys prioritized attractiveness and physical build when seeking out a mate.
"The key challenge most single women face dating is differentiating between guys who just want to hook up, versus guys who are serious partners," said Anderson. "Assuming you're looking for a long-term partner, then, the red flags you want to look for as a woman have to do with lack of effort and commitment. For example, if a guy only texts you after 9pm to 'hang out', that's an obvious and major red flag. Another red flag is if he's too pushy for physicality on your first or second date — it sends the message that's all he's interested in, and doesn't expect to be around for it later."
#19
Bragging how they haven’t cheated on you. Like they need a medal… dude, it’s the expected minimum.
Image credits: Whereareyouimsosorry
#20
Oversized pickups or extreme lift kits. Nothing says I'm insecure like taking up four parking spaces DAVE!
#21
Giving sexual compliments or compliments about certain body parts when they first meet you. Thanks, but sir…you are still a stranger, that’s just making me uncomfortable. Can we get to know each other first?
Image credits: Modusoperandi40
Guys, provided you haven’t done any of the unattractive things listed here, you might stand a chance with the woman you’ve been eyeing. But how would you know? According to the Gentleman’s Journal, “If she’s standing in front of you, arms crossed and looking down at her shuffling shoes, then she’s probably not into you. There’ve been studies to suggest that women who are actually interested will make sure that they are open to your presence, not closed off and unwilling to engage.”
#22
Talk over people in a group and always try to be the loudest/most dominate person in conversation. It makes you look like a rude a*****e.
#23
Brag about their fantasies of committing acts of violence against those who have wronged him or me. Like, when I hear that, I don’t think “wow, what a brave and honorable man”, I think “wow, he enjoys brutality too much for me to be comfortable with him.”.
Image credits: mrsmunsonbarnes
#24
Going to the gym is his entire personality.
Image credits: Farewell-muggles
Anderson agrees. “If a woman you're flirting with moves into your intimate zone, there's a good chance she's sexually attracted to you… Think about it. She's placing you into her intimate zone by scooting into yours.” The dating coach says other good signs are if a woman repeatedly glances at you, or is happy around you and smiles often. Here are some other signs she might like you.
Have you ever been shut down by a woman when you thought you were being as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey? What creepy things do men do that you could totally live without? Let us know in the comments.
#25
Hating their wives. It’s not funny or cute.
#26
“You’re not like other women”
Instant nope.
Image credits: HotShoulder3099
#27
There is this horribly uncomfortable thing that some do when they meet you & shake your hand & then one of their fingers will tickle your palm. OMG. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop that s**t.
#28
Brag about how good they are at sex.
#29
Acting overly macho. Those that refuse to wash their butts because it makes them gay, the ones that hunt for sport, the ones that have to have the loudest and biggest trucks when they have absolutely no need for it, the ones that have to strut like a peacock to assert their dominance as alpha male. This is the fastest way for me to develop cob webs in my clam. I hate that and find it wildly unattractive.
I've met some men that are some of the toughest mofos sitting with my daughter in a friggin tutu, getting served tea, talking about how she wants to paint their nails and they're as at home doing that as they are sparring with someone. If they cook, clean, play princess, you name it, and are still at home in their sexuality, THAT is guaranteed to make me "wifey material" any day of the week. That is the way that gets my motor running on all gears. Whatever they want, I will give, within reason.
#30
Showing off their car while endangering both our lives, I don’t care how fast your car is slow the hell down I want to live.
#31
Showing me pictures of the hot women they’ve dated.
Yeah this actually happened once.
Image credits: Batticon
#32
Not showing emotions. Let me know when you’re sad/upset/mad about something.
#33
Like in the barbie movie, "play guitar at you".
Image credits: toss_it_out_tomorrow
#34
Making fun of people and laughing with their friends abt it.
#35
Persistence to the degree it gets scary. If I don't like you and I say no and you ask me again, sure, I'll say no a second time and wave you off. But when you aggressively keep moving at me, physically following me, disbelieving me if I say I have a partner (regardless of whether or not I do)... nobody finds that s**t cute.Talking about screwing-up.
Going out on a date, it's understandable a man would want to make it seem like he has it all (or most of it) together, and this is the tack a lot of guys take. But when a man is down to earth and can talk about the mistakes he's made or errors he corrected with perspective, humility, and even humor, it really makes him stand out to me.
Someone who is relaxed and not afraid to screw-up a little bit is totally sexy, because it puts me at ease and makes me feel like I don't have to be super perfect either and that he is likely to be more adventurous and forgiving.
Image credits: Heavennly_Honey
#36
I had one very attractive boyfriend who very much knew it and he would practically pose on the lounge waiting for compliments … it was so off putting
Plus he used my special moisturiser all the time (I only used it every now and then for special occasions) and when i finally used it again, it was almost run out… so I asked him and lied about it
I found him so unbelievably unattractive after getting to know him… he had pretty privilege for too long and it showed.
#37
B***hing about their ex. Unattractive and a huge red flag. (HUGE red flag for either gender.).
#38
Brag about how much money they make or what they own.
#39
Excess muscle- think bodybuilding big. It’s not much. It’s like plastic surgery on women.
#40
They think being mean/roasting a girl makes them attractive.
#41
I’m really turned off by the guys who think of themselves as having “elite” taste in anything to the point where they like to state all of their opinions as if they’re objective facts—especially when these opinions always align with what is already critically acclaimed and not just their own unique tastes.
#42
Talking about other women who are texting them/want to date them/into them.
Image credits: MortishaTheCat
#43
When men pursue a harem of women on socials and think we can’t see it. Super cringy and low vibe.
#44
Brag about the size of there package.. when who really cares….
#45
When men try to act tough or like their over someone/ something. It’s ok to be sad/cry/be affected by something emotionally. And no your not better than a waitress, garbage man, obese person, weak person, homeless person, ‘dumb’ person I could go on.
#46
S******g on my music/book/tv/movie taste
Talking s**t about other people to make themselves look better
Aggro for no reason or claiming someone disrespected them when they just had a different opinion or brought up something you did that hurt their feelings
Bragging about how much money they make. If I cared about money do you think I would have become a teacher? Like damn.
Negging. Once some random dude in the club asked me and my friend (who was an entirely different ethnicity) if we were sisters because we were both “so short” and then proceeded to say he only dates tall girls…I didn’t even try to initiate a conversation with you bro. You came over to us and immediately insulted us for no reason…and then asked for my number an hour later when we were leaving…he was like posted at the door looking for us or something because the club was super crowded and we ghosted him after saying we had to go to the bathroom.
Insisting I try something I already said no to.
#47
Bragging about how many girls they get. Most of the time they're making it up as well. Hell even as a straight guy hearing another guy brag about that sort of thing makes me think he sees women as sex objects rather than people.
#48
Sagging pants, licking lips a million times while talking.
#49
When guys try to show off money, when they ask for sexy pics/videos, when they send d pics, when they are mean to you or try to humble you aka negging, when they try to show off around certain women, All of those things are an instant turn off for me! None of that is attractive!!!
#50
When they brag about their accomplishments or about how "good" they are in bed ???.
