Three sisters – who lost three siblings – are helping others through the same trauma, with a charity for bereaved kids.
The close-knit O’Toole family - Katie-Anne, Charlotte and Aishleen – suffered the death of their sister Jacinta, 30, and 32-year-old brother Fintan in 2016 and 2017.
Their little brother Declan was only seven when he died of a brain tumour in 1996.
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The sisters, from Roscommon, set up their national charity Jacinta’s Smile, so grieving kids don’t have to suffer in silence.
The O’Toole’s idyllic family life was ripped apart when little Declan –whose anniversary is next week – died of a brain tumour.
Katie-Anne, 36, a counsellor and psychotherapist, believes the family’s tragedies can be traced back to their unresolved grief over losing Declan.
“We were like the Brady bunch, just the perfect family but overnight, after Declan died, it was like a banshee arrived and ripped our family apart,” Katie-Ann said.
“Everything fell apart. Part of my parents died the day Declan died. It was pure chaos. There was just no support for children who were bereaved. Kids didn’t come into it.”
Declan’s death impacted her brothers and sisters in different ways.
“Jacinta became self-destructive – drinking, misbehaving and getting kicked out of school.
“Aishleen was going into first year and remembers shutting down the day she found out Declan was going to die.
“Fintan started drinking as a crutch and ultimately became an alcoholic. He struggled with depression and self-harmed from a young age. I went quiet.”
Just after Christmas in 2016, Jacinta died suddenly from a brain aneurysm.
After Jacinta was laid to rest in Ballintober Cemetery, the family decided to exhume Declan from his grave in Leixlip, Co Kildare – where the O’Tooles used to live – to rebury him with his sister. Then, tragedy struck once again. Katie-Anne said: “We brought Declan home to Ballintober in a white coffin.
My dad rang Fintan to ask if he was coming but Fintan said he’d watched his brother being buried once and didn’t want to do it again.
“He went out and bought cans and drank too much and died that night. His heart gave in.
“He died from heart and kidney failure. Fintan died the same day we reburied Declan.
“We reburied Declan with Jacinta on Wednesday and the following Tuesday, we were back at the grave, reopening it for Fintan.
They’re all there together now.”
The devastating loss of a brother or sister was highlighted this week, when the sister of missing Madeleine McCann spoke for the first time.
Amelie McCann, now 18, was only two years old when sister Maddie disappeared from their holiday home in Portugal on May 3, 2007.
At a ceremony to mark 16 years since the vanishing, Amelie said it was good to see so many there, but it was: “a sad occasion.”
At any one time, up to 55,000 children in Ireland - with an average age of 14 years old - have lost a sibling.
After Jacinta’s death – 20 years after the O’Tooles’ childhood grief - the sisters looked for help but found there was still very little support for children or young adults who have lost a sibling. So they set up Jacinta’s Smile.
Katie-Anne explained: “Our charity adventure days are about fun, laughter and hope and to remind the children that it is ok to have fun, to laugh and to feel happiness even though there is so much sadness.”
Jacinta’s Smile is holding a free adventure day and support group for children, up to the age of 17, who have lost a brother or sister in Mullingar, today (May 6) and on June 10.
For a place, contact info@jacintassmile.ie or call 0874220000/0906 625898.
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