For the longest time, Hayley Williams was scared of All I Wanted.
And truth be told, you can understand why. The closing track of Paramore's third album, the thrillingly mature and addictively catchy Brand New Eyes, released back in 2009, is a real powerhouse, to say the least. From a slow-burning introduction of plucked guitar strings and romantically tinged affirmations, the tension builds and builds before Hayley unleashes a vocal refrain, overflowing with longing and earnestness, that sends the shivers coursing right up your spine.
Such a towering performance is one thing when committed to tape in the safety and security of the vocal booth, in this album's case being the home studio of alternative heavyweight Rob Cavello, taken over by the band for five weeks between January and March of 2009. It's a whole other beast when you are asked to conjure it on stage in front of thousands.
"It would be easier to sing All I Wanted if it was just at one show," Hayley explained during a livestreamed Q&A back in 2013. "Because then I wouldn't have to worry about doing it every night on stage and being consistent. It can be tiring for my voice, I try to take care of it. And All I Wanted is the one that, I can't mess that up. Like if I mess that up, I'll never forgive myself."
It's interesting, even in such short hindsight, to hear her express such adoration and respect for it, because at the time of recording, the track almost didn't even make the cut. Created at a time of change for the band, where so much had occurred both internally and externally, the realities of growing up in the public eye sinking in and expectations at an all-time high following the critical success of 2007's Riot!, there was concern that the song didn't really fit in with what they were attempting to do with Brand New Eyes.
"We’ve been through a lot as a band, and we’ve been through a lot as friends. I was really scared because I didn’t think I would know how to write it all down, and I didn’t know if people would really care," Hayley admitted as part of the official Brand New Eyes documentary. "I knew what I felt, and I knew that I had been through a lot and had a lot to get off my chest, but it seemed kind of impossible at the time."
It's not even a song pulled from any specific incident or feeling, either. Written on what Hayley called, "Just an "emo' kind of day" when she was bored of sitting and writing at home in Franklin, and as her then-boyfriend Chad Gilbert, of New Found Glory fame, was heading out on tour for the first time in a long time, it's a song that's as personal as it is ambiguous. As much about craving that one person as it is the more general feeling of just needing something to hang on to.
"I spent so much time alone in my apartment that I think it started to mess with me and just make me really sad," she told Alternative Press in 2009. "One day, I went to practice, and Taylor [York] was playing this song. It hit me and I just started writing whatever came to mind."
