We are now entering the tenth NFL draft since the release of “Draft Day” and luckily the Cleveland Browns are in better shape now than they were back then.
Kevin Costner, Jennifer Garner, Chadwick Boseman, Diddy, Terry Crews, Arian Foster (?), and more assembled to make what has become a cult classic among draftniks. The movie itself is so embarrassingly bad that it is too good to pass up the annual rewatch around the time of the NFL draft every year.
And it’s an opportunity I will never pass up.
This time, I took diligent notes as I rewatched “Draft Day” and these were my biggest points of emphasis to embrace.
There are way too many connections to superhero movies
The first note that I had to take was the unbelievable amount of connections to the superhero universe found in the casting of “Draft Day.”
Here is the full list of superhero connections found in Draft Day:
- The obvious Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther
- David Ramsey, who plays a scout in the war room, is John Diggle in “Arrow”
- Denis Leary, who plays coach Penn, is Captain Stacy in the Andrew Garfield version of “The Amazing Spiderman”
- Kevin Costner, who plays GM Sonny Weaver, is Jonathan Kent in “Man of Steel”
- Sam Elliott, who plays the Wisconsin head coach, is Thaddeus Ross in the Eric Bana version of “Hulk” and is Carter Slade in “Ghost Rider”
- Jennifer Garner played Elektra in the 2003 version of “Daredevil”
- Frank Langella, who plays owner Anthony Molina, portrayed Perry White in “Superman Returns” (2006)
What a hostile work environment… which mirrors the 2014 Cleveland Browns pretty well
Boy are the Browns a dysfunctional organization in this movie. Not only that, but the entire building is full of toxic workplace examples! Here is the list I drew of all of the reportable offenses that happen throughout the movie:
- GM Sonny Weaver is having a secret relationship with a co-worker
- Coach Penn commits an act of arson in Weaver’s office as retribution for trading away draft assets
- Coach Penn harrassed Jennifer Garner in the cafeteria with undertones of blackmail?
- Intern is verbally abused by multiple Browns’ staffers and has his personal property destroyed
- Coach Penn calls the Buffalo Bills behind Weaver’s back to plant a trade request
- QB Brian Drew trashes Weaver’s office after hearing the impending news of Bo Callahan
Let’s be real, how different is this from the Haslam’s Flying Pilot J scandal, general manager Ray Farmer getting suspended for texting on the sideline during games, offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan making a PowerPoint to get out of his contract, the whole experience of Johnny Manziel, and more from that same timeframe?
The Seahawks GM should have been fired on the spot
Using the Rich Hill trade model, there is no doubt the Seattle Seahawks’ general manager should have been fired on the spot. And luckily we have a real draft trade to base this off of. In 2012, Washington surrendered the No. 6 overall pick, the No. 39 overall pick, and two future firsts to acquire the No. 2 overall pick from the St. Louis Rams for the right to draft Robert Griffin III.
In that trade, the Rams gave up a value of 717 and acquired a value of 848, fleecing Washington. In the trade outlined in “Draft Day” the Seattle general manager gave up the No. 1 overall pick (a value of 1000 on the Rich Hill trade model), and received back just the value of 688 (the No. 7 overall pick and two future first round picks).
The Rams got more value for a smaller trade up and a lesser asset in 2012 than the Seattle general manager did for the top pick in the draft! And it does not stop there!
After Weaver acquires the No. 6 overall pick to jump Seattle after swindling the rookie Jacksonville Jaguars’ general manager, he then fleeces the Seahawks again.
Desperate to get him man in Bo Callahan and to save pancakes and football in Seattle forever, Weaver convinces him to give back his other two first round picks (estimated at a value of 242 using the value of a future mid-first rounder). Ultimately Seattle pulls the trigger and jumps from pick No. 7 back down to pick No. 6.
According to the Rich Hill model, this trade has a negative value of 221. Overall, the Seattle general manager lost a value of 533, which is equivalent to surrendering the third overall pick in the draft to draft the guy he was going to take anyway!
And that doesn’t even include giving Weaver and the Browns David (expletive) Putney either.
How did they land on the idea of a 27-year-old Arian Foster playing a 21-year-old Ray Jennings?
One of the more hilarious aspects of the film is the Ray Jennings storyline.
Beyond the “I’m not in a gang” dialogue and the panned shot of him looking at his knuckles while on the phone with Sonny Weaver, there is a whole lot to contemplate.
First off, using a 27-year-old veteran running back to portray Jennings is hysterical. I need to know what dialogue happened in the production and casting meetings that led to them pulling that one off. Secondly, Terry Crews (listed at 6-foot-2 and 245 pounds) plays Foster’s father and Cleveland Browns’ running back legend.
Given the other roles that Crews has played in his lifetime, mixed with the idea of him running lines with an actual NFL running back is just too good.
What position does Vontae Mack really play?
Throughout the movie, Vontae Mack and various others refer to the Ohio State draft hopeful as a middle linebacker. However, when the Browns are watching his Wisconsin game at the end of the movie that shows how flustered Callahan got after sacks (they didn’t have all-22? they were using broadcast tape?), they show only highlights of Mack rushing off the edge.
This begs an important question. What position does Vontae Mack play? Your guess is as good as mine.
Sonny Weaver's mom is a whole experience
Sonny Weaver’s mom is on Twitter. That’s a good place to start.
Other than that, however, she cannot read a room, doesn’t have a concern for other people’s time or boundaries, is a massive trauma dumper, and why did she bring Sonny’s ex-wife to the building?
Spreading your dead husband’s ashes on the day of the draft then guilting your son when he doesn’t have the time to do it and calling your son’s new girlfriend by the wrong name wins her Mother of the Year award.
She should pay for Sonny’s impending therapy sessions as a result.
The best of the rest
Here are some other bullet points that are worth mentioning:
- For what it’s worth, I remember my 21st birthday. I was in Guatemala on a college trip, hiked a volcano, and my professor/trip advisor at the Christian college I went to bought me my first beer.
- I went to Geauga Lake quite a bit in my youth. The Dungeon Drop is indeed fun.
- The Strength and Conditioning coach (whose name is Tony Bagel!) went from painting butts on Pam’s mural in “The Office” to smacking All-Pro center Alex Mack on his.
- They changed the punch code to the film room on the day of the draft?
- How iconic is the post-it note slow-motion flip while the war room is yelling at Sonny Weaver? To me, that is cinema.
