A mum was left wracked with anxiety after she became too distracted to play with her son, without understanding why. Then, she received a surprising diagnosis in her 30s that explained everything.
Amy Polly had postnatal anxiety after giving birth to her son, the now four-year-old Jackson. Amy thought that was the reason she had “chaotic” thoughts and a “noisy” mind.
But after months of investigation, the mum was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) at the age of 37. She says the “mindblowing” yet “reassuring” discovery made her realise why she sometimes found it difficult to give her son the “attention he needed”.
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Amy, who lives in Stamford, Lincolnshire, finds juggling her ADHD symptoms while being a mother “so difficult” – mundane and repetitive tasks are hard for her to do, such as playing the same games over and over with her son. It can make her feel like she is not always giving him the attention he deserves.
On top of Amy’s ADHD and postnatal anxiety symptoms, she also broke up with her son’s father three years after giving birth, causing her to reach “burnout” and eventually go to her GP to seek support. Before becoming a mindfulness coach, Amy worked as an accountant and would leave every task to the last second, which her boss had no idea about – since getting diagnosed, she realised this was a common symptom of ADHD.
Amy thinks the growing awareness about ADHD, especially in women, on social media is extremely positive – she hopes that young people will be more knowledgeable on the symptoms of ADHD, meaning more people can get diagnosed. “Having ADHD at an older age was a huge learning curve and a complete shock – I always thought everyone had a constantly noisy brain and found boring activities almost impossible,” Amy said.
“It’s strange to be told you’ve got something you’ve had and didn’t know for 37 years. So it was mind-blowing and very surprising, but reassuring at the same time.”
After giving birth to her son Jackson in October 2018, Amy felt she had little control over her emotions and was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety a few months later. She said: “My thoughts were so chaotic, my mind would not rest.
“It was so noisy in my head – it used to confuse me so much when my partner could just sit there and watch television without worrying or thinking about a million other things.”
On top of this, at the beginning of 2021, Amy and her son’s father separated. She explained: “The break-up was very amicable and fine, but I moved out, and I was doing my side hustle, and I basically reached burnout because I was struggling with all of these thoughts from my postnatal anxiety.”
Amy decided to go to her GP in May 2021, but little did she know her postnatal anxiety was also a sign of her undiagnosed ADHD. “I had no idea what I was going through could be ADHD,” she said.
“I was having a really tough time after having my little boy, and I wasn’t managing my thoughts well. But ADHD was just not something that I had even considered.
“It was then in conversation with my doctor, and she mentioned ADHD, and then I started to have a look at a couple of bits and pieces on Google and social media, and I thought I may have ADHD.”
Amy explained what her undiagnosed ADHD was like for her day to day at that point, saying: “It was really hard for me to sit and play with my son. Like playing Thomas the Tank Engine with him, for example, is not interesting for me to focus on – it was hard to give him the attention he needs.”
Amy’s doctor put her forward for an ADHD screening test, but with a six-month waiting list on the NHS, she decided to go private, and in September 2021, at age 37, she was diagnosed with the disorder. “It was just lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment,” she said.
Amy also started seeing some “positive changes” in her life, explaining: “After my diagnosis, my boss asked me if I wanted to leave my job, which I did. Having my ADHD diagnosis gave me permission to stop being so hard on myself.”
One of the biggest difficulties for Amy has been managing her ADHD symptoms while being a mother. She said: “I think when you’ve got a child, it’s things like impulsivity you have to control.
“You can’t do things so much on impulse, and you have to have the focus and the ability to be able to do things that are not interest-driven, because you just have to keep a child alive and happy, regardless of it not always being exciting. With ADHD, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and I got to the point where, despite being a mindfulness teacher, I felt like I couldn’t manage my thoughts.
“It was hard too because it’s all internal.”
Looking back on her life, Amy felt like her ADHD diagnosis explained a lot of her behaviours and thoughts. She said: “I always knew I was different, but I didn’t know how much I thought differently and saw the world differently from others.
“I just thought that everybody was like this.”
Since discovering “ADHD masking”, when people subconsciously hide their ADHD symptoms, Amy realised in social situations she would concentrate so much on appearing a particular way rather than being present. She said: “I would always be the one in the room that was making everybody else laugh to avoid what was going on around me.
“All my attention and focus was going on making everybody else laugh – that was masking for me – just pushing through things that were uncomfortable through humour. At work, I always used to procrastinate and end up doing important tasks at the very last minute in the evenings at home – my boss had no idea, I’d just hide it.”
Looking to the future, Amy hopes that now there is more awareness on social media and more people are advocating and educating about ADHD, fewer people will be diagnosed later in life. She said: “Perhaps if there was more awareness like there is now, I would have been diagnosed earlier in life.
“I think awareness on social media, overall, is a real benefit because we have that chance to have an open conversation. And now, when the younger people using social media come to have a baby, they will already have this knowledge, and can be diagnosed with ADHD early, and not be left to an older age like me.”
For more information on ADHD, visit: www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/
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