I’ve come to a moment in my life I never expected; I’m contemplating starting a relationship, not out of love or passion, but out of fear – fear of the future. I always thought I’d be above such reasoning. But witnessing illness up close, seeing the care my father received from his wife and us children, the comfort of not being alone in a hospital bed, shook me more than I was prepared for.
It’s a quiet but profound shift inside me. I stopped seeking out companionship a few years ago, deliberately. I did try but none of the few women I dated stirred anything close to love in me. So, as a 55-year-old man, I told myself it just wasn’t worth it: the arguments, the jealousy, the constant need to defend one’s need for solitude – especially for someone like me, deeply introverted by nature.
