"Oh thank God, they're having sex," I sighed as my King and his wife, Harold and Carol, finally got down to business. This, I admit, is not a typical reaction to seeing two people express their affection for one another. But Harold and Carol's unconsummated love life has been threatening the stability of my entire Kingdom. It's nothing to do with heirs, although one of those wouldn't go amiss either. Harold, you see, is a deeply monogamous soul, but lately he's been too preoccupied with his royal duties to see to his marital ones. Carol, meanwhile, has a libido to rival an entire warren of rabbits, to the point where she's been considering bribing peasants into her bed.
Morality aside, for Carol to cheat on Harold could have all manner of nasty consequences. It could send Harold spiralling into a depression that leads to a nervous breakdown, rendering him unable to give orders to his peasants, thus grinding the entire Kingdom to a halt. Worse, it could send him into a murderous rage. So naturally, I have been frantically playing Cupid, trying to push them together for walks and chats and even a spot of wolf hunting. Now though, they're finally at it, which hopefully means I can focus on all the Kingdom's other problems, like the rapidly depleting food supply, and that big camp of bandits threatening a raid.
