I travelled solo to Tobago shortly after turning 45, at a time when I felt quite stuck in my life. Perimenopause symptoms were creepingly regular, offering broken sleep, sudden irritability and severe anxiety. Midlife didn’t bring clarity, it brought the feeling of isolation.
I never imagined that at this age I would be single, child-free, a carer and without a solid circle of friends. Loneliness kicked in suddenly and it was constantly on my mind. Most of my friends are married with children, their lives full, their priorities understandably elsewhere. I often felt like I was standing just outside the rhythm of other people’s lives, unsure where I fitted in.
I realised I wasn’t just craving a break. I was craving connection: real, unhurried, human connection. I wanted to sit with people, talk properly and wander without purpose. I wanted to be somewhere kinder to my nervous system, so I chose the Caribbean island of Tobago.
From the moment I arrived, the island felt gentler. Even at customs, I was met with smiles and conversation, a simple warmth that caught me off guard. The pace was slower, as though the island was asking less of me.
I stayed at Castara Retreats for my first couple of nights, where they had a yoga retreat. I’m spiritual, though yoga has never been my thing. Still, I wanted to try, hoping to find grounding. During the very first session, something clicked. My breathing slowed. My body felt steadier. For the first time in months, I wasn’t bracing myself.
Perimenopause had left me feeling disconnected from my body. In Tobago, surrounded by sounds of the birds and the warm air, I began to feel myself again. Hearing the roosters in the mornings and seeing my days unfold without urgency began to relax me.
After a few days, I moved closer to the sea and booked Coco Reef Resort and Spa. I heard about the Senior Milford Swimmers, friends who have met at 6.30am each morning for more than 40 years. Joining them, I was struck by their devotion to one another. Swimming at sunrise, laughing and sharing stories, did more for my mental health than I could have imagined.
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I made a friend, Angie, who invited me back to have tea at her resort. We clicked straight away. She told me about the places to see and checked in on me daily to ensure I was safe.
Connection in Tobago felt effortless. One afternoon, I wandered into a chocolate-making demonstration I hadn’t booked. Instead of being told to return another day, I was welcomed in. The chocolatier showed me how almond and dark chocolate were made and encouraged me to taste them. There was no guarding of time, no emphasis on appointments. It struck me how often, back home, kindness comes with conditions.
On a walk back from the beach one day, I stopped at Island Hut Café, drawn in by its cosy, open feel. Inside, people weren’t rushing – they were sitting, chatting and laughing. Strangers became friends simply by sharing a table. The owners, Breana and Shabbir, are from the UK and are warm, open, generous.
Their nine-year-old daughter welcomed me with absolute ease. She designs jewellery and insisted on making me a Tobago bracelet, threading it carefully and proudly. We’re now pen pals.
That small act moved me deeply. To be welcomed not as a passing tourist, but as someone worthy of care, made me feel like family. They took me out to see parts of the island, ensured I wasn’t alone and did everything they could to help me enjoy my stay.
At the hotel one evening, I met Ronnie and Charlene. We began chatting and realised we shared similar interests.
“Come and join us for dinner,” they said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Over the following days, they took me out for a drive to see the island and brought me coconut water to keep in my room.
Then there was James, who I met in the cafe. I told him how scared I am of the sea, so he took me to Pigeon Point and encouraged me to get into the water. When my feet touched the sand again, I felt something brush against me.
I screamed as a small brown crab clambered up my back. “Oh,” he said lightly. “I forgot to tell you – there are crabs in there.”
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Had he told me before, I would never have entered the water. Instead, I left feeling capable and stronger. A stranger had taken time out of his day to help me face a fear I didn’t know I could overcome. He offered to show me around, he took me to dinner and stopped at a few places en route so I could look at the menu, as I am a strict vegetarian.
The best moment was when James suggested we say a prayer together before dinner. I was deeply moved. It’s something I usually do privately but sharing it felt grounding. He wouldn’t let me pay for the meal. Who does that for a stranger?
As a solo woman travelling alone, I felt safe in Tobago. People looked out for me. Tobago is a spiritual place, not through grand gestures but through quiet humanity. One day, I walked to the launderette. Angie sent me the details and opening times. When I got there, I met a lady who was with her friend. They gave me a lift back to the hotel and shared a drink together. It all felt so organic – something that doesn’t happen back home.
Being a single woman in Britain can feel isolating. Recently, amid rising hostility and racism towards Sikhs, I’ve also felt less welcome. There is an exhaustion that comes from always having to make the effort. In Tobago, I didn’t have to try.
By the time I left, much of my anxiety felt lighter, as if I had placed it gently down. I wasn’t as alone as I’d believed. The friendships I made weren’t fleeting: I’ve already been invited back to stay with people who were once strangers.
Returning home has been hard, London moves fast again, but Tobago changed something fundamental in me. It reminded me that kindness still exists, and that connection is possible. Tobago gave me love. Not romantic love, but human love – the kind I didn’t realise I had been missing. I returned fuller, steadier, stronger. And for the first time in a long while, I was hopeful.
Minreet was a guest of Castara Retreats, Coco Reef and Holiday Extra.
How to do it
British Airways offers flights from London Gatwick to Tobago with a layover in St Lucia. Flight time is around 11 hours.
Where to stay
Accommodation was at Coco Reef Resort and Spa with an ocean view room costing from £374 per night. The hotel has a private beach and an outdoor pool.
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