I struggle with letting go of things. How can I move on for a calmer life?

‘Time might have passed, but in the respects that matter, we still feel as though we’re right there,’ writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: The Floor Scrapers by Gustave Caillebotte. Photograph: Alamy

I struggle with letting go of things. Distressing situations, that occurred 40 years ago and more, still regularly pop into my mind and stress me out. I don’t seem to be able to move past them and forget them. Even small irrelevant things annoy me and get me worked up. How can I either forget them or stop them raising my blood pressure? I seem to continually be stressing about insignificant things that I can’t change anyway. Can you suggest some techniques to move on and lead a calmer life?

Eleanor says: Since you said a lot of these are small or insignificant upon reflection, I’ll assume we’re not talking about big traumas, or the kinds of insults a person shouldn’t aspire to forget. I assume they’re the kinds of sour memories we all have: bad luck, bad slights. Being yanked backwards through time to those hurtful memories can be so unpleasant. Not just for us, but for the people around us; it can keep us psychically stuck in old distress, each new event seen as a trace outline of the past.