A Dublin dad-of-four who battled drug addiction for 20 years revealed how the thought of his beloved children pushed him to get sober.
Barry Cullen, 40, said his life is "million miles" from where it was as he celebrated five years of sobriety. He told Dublin Live: "All I wanted was my kids back. When I was at death’s door, I just kept thinking about my poor children.
"I made a promise to myself when I was at the detox centre. I got this chance and I was going to take it with both hands and turn my life around."
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The Finglas man was just a young teen of 14 when he first started using heroin. He said: "I had easy access to it and I didn’t really know or understand it at the time. I would’ve been addicted at that stage as I was getting ready to sit my Junior Cert.
"When I was going into my third year of secondary school, I had to be taken to hospital because I was experiencing withdrawals."
Barry struggled with drug addiction through his young adult years during which time he had four children with his former partner. He said: "I’d get a little clean at times and then I’d go back to heroin.
"I was going around in circles for years and years. Me and my partner both struggled with addiction. Looking in from the outside, we thought we were okay because we were going to jobs."
When Barry was 32, he went to prison. He said: "I had been on methadone for ten years and I got off it in prison. I got healthy. I got big and strong." He thought he was finally free of his demons but alas he found himself using just two hours after he got out of prison.
"My partner was clean and she had enough at that stage and I had to move out. I went back to my mother’s house and I went back on the crack then because for the first time I never had anybody watching over me.
"I was living in a drug house, stealing, and stuff to get the drugs I wanted." But Barry's life changed when a relative took him down to a recovery home in Tipperary.
"I was supposed to stay there for 12 months but I missed my children so I asked him if I could come back home after four months. He said if I come back, I’ll go back to using. I told him I won’t because I was going to Coolmine Rehab Centre in Blanchardstown."
When Barry was back in Dublin, he "barricaded" himself in his mother's house because he didn't want to get tempted. "I went to Coolmine and things started happening for me.
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"I went in there really closed off, really afraid, really emotionally stunted. That was the first time I was really sober since I was 12. It was frightening but I had nowhere else to go."
Barry spent seven months at the rehab centre and things finally started looking up for him. He said: "After I got out, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to Denmark for work and I was there for a year.
"I came back to Dublin a couple of years ago. Since then I’ve been working nonstop. I’ve given up smoking. I’ve done marathons. I’m healthy now. I’m so grateful. I can’t believe how lucky I am.
"I’m linked in with a lot of friends in recovery. We do running, sea swimming, and marathons. We do social things together. They’re all recovery-based. My life is just a million miles from where it was."
Barry is set to take part in a charity Winter Solstice Swim on Dollymount Strand on December 21 for Coolmine. He said: "I wouldn’t have gotten clean had it not been for Coolmine. I feel so blessed."
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