'I’m too good a rider to tell one bike from another': Why our columnist will never write a good bike review

Dr Hutch wears a helmet and tastes wine in a group.

I have recently had the good fortune to have the opportunity to hand over some money in exchange for a bicycle. You’ll appreciate that I resent the transactional nature of this. Like St. Francis of Cycling, I feel the bicycles should come to me of their own accord. 

A week or two after the bike arrived, the friend who ransomed it to me asked me what I thought of it. And I hate it when this happens. When the conversation turns to the characteristics of bikes, I feel like a man getting drunk as fast as possible in grim silence while surrounded by people swilling wine around their mouths and saying, “I’m getting grass, peaches, and a hint of WD40.”