Marriage is when two people unite to form a unit and celebrate their love. But an important decision the couple must make is what their family name will be so that they can pass it on to their future kids. This can be a hard choice, and one partner might have to give in and change their name.
This is the dilemma a woman faced just one week before her wedding. She was torn between keeping her maiden name or taking her husband’s surname. She finally decided to ask people for help and figure out based on their experiences.
More info: Mumsnet
In many straight marriages, it’s very often the woman who is expected to take her husband’s name
This bride shared that she was on the fence about taking on a new surname and wanted to hear from netizens if they had regrets about changing or keeping their maiden name
The poster mentioned that her surname was long, tricky, and “foreign” to English speakers, so she didn’t want to merge it with her husband’s
The woman did add that her future husband’s surname had strong connections to her mother’s culture, and that was positively swaying her opinion
Image credits: PoptartBarry
Changing a surname can be difficult because it’s often connected to a person’s identity
It might be shocking to learn that around 70% of women in the U.S. and 90% of British women adopt their husband’s surname after marriage. Although these figures are lower than they were generations ago, changing one’s name still remains a strong religious and cultural practice even today.
That’s probably why the poster found it difficult to decide what to do about her maiden name. She was worried about regretting her decision after marriage. Research on this topic has found that women who choose to keep their surname do so because it’s linked to their identity or their profession.
The wives who want to take on their husbands’ names often do so because they feel it shows love and commitment to their spouse. Some are also forced to do it out of pressure to adhere to traditions. So, it makes sense that the OP wanted to hear peoples’ lived experiences before she made a decision.
It’s also hard to break away from this kind of practice because it dates back to the 15th century when women were legally considered their husband’s property once they got married. Only in the 1970s did laws change so that women could keep their maiden name.
Despite the increased focus on gender equality, only 5% of husbands take their wives’ surnames, and only 1% go in for hyphenation. This huge disparity is what pushed some regions like Quebec, Greece, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands to create laws that require women to retain their surnames after marriage.
It’s definitely difficult to decide what’s the best approach toward adopting or retaining a surname after marriage. But, if you’re on the fence like the poster, there are a couple of options that you could pick from. You can:
- Ask your partner to take your surname
- Hyphenate both names
- Merge your surnames and make up a new one
- Create an entirely new family name
Ultimately, the OP had only a week to decide what she wanted to do about her surname, although one commenter did tell her that she could change her name anytime after she got married, so it wasn’t that big of a rush.
What do you think about this practice? Have you ever faced the same kind of dilemma?
Women poured in with their experiences and how they felt about changing their maiden name or keeping it
