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The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

I have a crippling fear of being judged. How can I overcome this?

Despair by Bertha Wegmann is an oil painting created by the Danish artist, depicting a subject in a moment of emotional turmoil.
‘Each new possible spurning can feel as existentially frightening as that first rejection from the people who were meant to make you feel safe,’ writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: Despair by Bertha Wegmann. Illustration: piemags/Alamy

I have a crippling fear of judgment and being perceived negatively. Having grown up in a household where mockery was the norm, I believe this has left a lasting mark on my psyche which has resulted in me being afraid to act for fear of mockery, scorn or negative judgment. I feel this has severely stunted my social and romantic life, preventing me from making lasting friendships and relationships. I’m keen to break from this but the gnawing fear holds me back.

I spend my non-working days and hours cooped up in my house and alone. Crucially, this fear does not overcome me when I’m working and in fact I’m comfortable leading large groups of people and meeting new people. I believe this is because when I’m at work I know where I stand and I have a specific objective in mind. However, in my personal life whenever I’ve tried to adopt a similar mindset it has failed. How else can I overcome this fear?

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