In 2020, I decided to get help for an eating disorder.
Up until that point, I’d had some variation of one for years. It all started when I decided to go on my first diet, aged 21. What followed was a half decade of cycling through maddening patterns of restriction. From bingeing to purging, starving to hardcore exercising, my mind was constantly overrun by thoughts of food. How much I was eating, how much I wasn’t eating, how great of a person I was for resisting food, how much of a loser I was for not being able to control myself. My self-esteem went down the toilet, along with my ability to feel joy.
