I endured the Melania film so you don’t have to – my only regret is not buying popcorn so one of my senses was entertained

‘I am one of less than 100 people in the city of Sydney, population 5.5 million people, to see Melania’s debut.’ Donald and Melania Trump at a screening in Washington. Photograph: Samuel Corum/Getty Images

It’s Friday afternoon at Hoyts on Sydney’s northern beaches, and the atmosphere is horrific. I am here to see Amazon’s $75m “documentary” on Melania Trump, which has already been condemned as a flop ahead of its release.

When I arrive, I panic for a second that I have the time wrong. There are no Melania posters anywhere and the screening is tucked into the back bottom corner of the large movie theatre, like the weird leftover table at a wedding.