Gaming cookbooks have been done, it's time for a new dawn of hardcover tie-ins. It's time for videogame children's books. And I'm not talking about easy money picks like Spyro or Mario, show me some real deal M-rated stuff filtered in such a way that little Billy isn't scarred for life—he'll get enough of that on YouTube, Discord, and Roblox.
That's right, we're getting The Little Witcher, a children's book about everybody's favorite mutated monster hunter and serial sorceress monogamist. The Little Witcher is set to release May 13, 2025, and features illustrations by Giada Carboni with writing by "the creative minds from The Witcher videogames." I'm curious about the collective credit vs. individual writers from CD Projekt, though it's possible their names will be attached to individual stories in the book. Even though this is a CDPR joint, I'm reminded of a quote from the series' original author, Andrzej Sapkowski: "If I got paid, Geralt could appear in a toothpaste commercial for all I care."
But I don't think there's much cause for cynicism here: The Little Witcher looks cute, and it's hard to imagine those making it aren't in on the joke. Among other demographics, The Little Witcher is targeted at "Witcher fans raising Little Ciris of their own" and "players looking for a light-hearted twist on their favorite game." The book's blurb on Penguin Random House's website reads:
"With help from Geralt and Ciri’s closest companions—including the motherly magic of Yennefer of Vengerberg and the wisdom of uncle Vesemir—these adorable tales of a non-traditional family will make you laugh, make you sigh, and make you realize that raising a Little Witcher is not that different from raising any other kid. Sure, bedtime stories might include warnings of monsters who fart when surprised, and Geralt might invoke the Witcher Code to get Ciri to brush her teeth or clean her room, but even the formidable White Wolf knows to surrender when it comes to bedtime battles or Afternoon Tea with the toys."
So it all seems to be good fun, but I was racking my brain trying to think of other M-rated children's book opportunities. The only one I could muster was "Grand Theft Auto: Nice City." Is there any juice there?
