‘Bad things happen in Philadelphia,” Donald Trump once warned. Last weekend, a very bad thing happened in Philadelphia: I pepper-sprayed myself in the face. I had bought some pepper spray keyrings online because, after a spate of armed robberies in my neighbourhood, I was worried about walking my dog at night.
My dog is the size of a large rat so he doesn’t really deter bad guys – unless the bad guys are scared of rats. Anyway, I had gone out to the garden to test the spray – I’m not a complete idiot, I didn’t want to inhale that stuff in a confined space – and managed to get some droplets on my face. At first it was kind of pleasant. A nice little tingle. An exhilarating Philly facial. Then it started getting painful. Then I rubbed my eyes and …. yikes! 0/10 do not recommend.
