Cheating is always awful when you’re on the receiving end. It’s even worse when it involves one of your siblings. The ‘keep it in the family’ rule definitely doesn’t apply here. It can divide the whole extended family and make repairing previously close relationships nearly impossible.
The author of this story found out her husband was cheating on her with her own sister. Naturally, her first inclination was anger and contempt at both cheating parties. But, because her family had different opinions about her reactions, she decided to ask the Internet’s opinion.
A spouse’s infidelity can be even more hurtful when there’s another family member involved
Image credits: George Milton (not the actual photo)
The OP of this story asked the Internet whether she was the jerk for wanting to divorce her husband who made out with her sister
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image source: LeatherShake1769
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Like most affairs, infidelity in the family happens out of opportunity
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
A situation such as this causes double the pain for the one who gets cheated on. The betrayal is not only from the husband but also from the sister, especially when you’re that close. The OP writes, “Usually, if we needed to talk, we turned to each other,” so they must have been close.
In trying to uncover why people might cheat with a member of their significant other’s family, marriage and family therapist Abe Kass writes that it’s usually out of opportunity. “That exposure can be very limited, for example, a glance of two strangers across a restaurant bar, but often, it arises from repeated contacts, over weeks, months, even years.”
“So, really, it’s no surprise that husbands do sleep with sisters-in-law, wives sleep with brothers-in-law, and cousins, nieces, nephews, and other relatives find themselves physically and emotionally drawn to extended family members,” the marriage therapist writes.
Just like in the OP’s case, the fallout of the affair impacts the rest of the extended family. That includes not only the spouses of those who cheated but parents, children, and other siblings, as well. That might be one of the reasons why the cheating partner chooses a close family member – to hurt their spouse more.
“As messy as infidelity is when it takes place during business travel or with a co-worker or neighbor, it’s vastly more difficult to survive and recover from when the person your partner cheats with is an in-law,” Kass writes.
Some advice on how to move on and whether to continue both relationships
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
In the aftermath of the affair, experts advise those who have fallen victim to cheating to go no contact with both parties. That would mean the husband and the sister in this particular case. This might help to process emotions and thoughts instead of making decisions out of anger.
Only then is it best to try having an open discussion about what happened. “This is particularly important in putting you on the right path to healing and forgiveness, allowing you to make reasoned judgements and decisions,” according to Marriage.com.
Then comes the decision of whether the person who got cheated on wants to continue the relationship. If the person decides to try working on the marriage, seeing a professional counselor is the best option.
In a previous article for Bored Panda, Therapist and TEDx Speaker Kelly Armatage said that it might help rebuild trust and keep the family unit in place. “However, as per the saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ this therapy must be undertaken with a strong commitment (by the cheating party) to work on and heal the behavioral reasons as to why cheating occurred.”
“It is about addressing these issues at the root level, with a firm intention to create a marriage that is better than ever. If this unwavering commitment is not there, therapy may just be a ‘band-aid’ on an already crumbling marriage foundation.”
The OP provided more details in the comments
The opinion from the commenters was unanimous: the OP is not the jerk here
