Plenty of athletes struggle in retirement and after 10 years at the top level and 72 Wallabies caps, Ben Alexander was no different.
The former Brumbies stalwart retired in 2018 and was struck by many of the perils athletes face in retirement, losing the identity through which he'd defined his entire life and the structure that made that life what it was.
"A lot of athletes I know, we let our sport and what we do for work become our whole identity. Our whole self-esteem is tied to that," Alexander told ABC Grandstand.
"When I played really well and we won I'd feel great about myself and when we lost and I didn't play well I'd feel really shit about myself.
"I realised, looking back, it was because my sport meant so much to me. I allowed that to happen. How I felt about myself, the levels of pride I had, it was based around what I did for work.
"When you retire and there's no sport to play and you're an athlete who is used to feeling really proud there's a psychological challenge there to find other things in your life to make you proud."
Since hanging up the boots, Alexander has found that pride in plenty of different ways – he helps run The Dock, a popular pub on the Kingston foreshore in Canberra with former teammate Scott Fardy, and works four days a week with KPMG.
But what Alexander missed more than anything else was the camaraderie with his teammates.
That's the genesis behind Running for Resilience, a program Alexander has been running for almost three years.
After he found solace in Parkrun, a running group that churns through five kilometres every Saturday, Alexander wrote about the experience for The Canberra Times and was contacted by Matt Breen, a Brumbies fan who'd lost his father to suicide in the past and who's mother had just been diagnosed with cancer.
They started with one run a week, on Wednesday nights. To sweeten the deal, they offered a free beer from The Dock to everyone who finished.
The first run attracted about 20 people. Today, the program runs three times a week with more than 250 punters turning up each time.
It's a varied crowd – there's former athletes, veterans and regular people – and not everybody runs. There's plenty of walkers because, as Alexander points out, the more important thing is to just keep moving.
"My favourite thing about being a professional sportsperson was getting paid to exercise with my friends every day," Alexander said.
"That cocktail of exercise, looking after my health and spending all my time with my best mates – that's just really, really hard to replace.
"I'll never get paid to do that again, but I can schedule time into my week to exercise with friends.
"No matter what challenges you're facing, doing some exercise – we know how good that is for your physical and mental health, we know it's great to spend time with your friends, why not do it at the same time?
"It's been really special. Matt's mother came to the first few runs but sadly she passed away. There's a rusty old ark down at the Kingston foreshore and we had it named 'Resilience' in memory of his parents.
"Before each run we say 'Running For Resilience was started to save lives from suicide and if you or anyone you know is doing it tough we believe the best thing you can do is just keep moving.'"
Alexander blogs about his experiences in retirement and says he's been overwhelmed by the response.
If he could go back in time and tell his younger self what he now knows he would do it in a heartbeat, if even he doubts the Ben Alexander of yesteryear would pay too much attention.
"If I gave myself that advice I don't think I would have listened," Alexander said.
"But I would still tell myself that anyway because when something outside my control happens and my self-esteem plummets, I'll at least know why."
