The worst day of Matt Zarb-Cousin’s gambling addiction saw him roll out of bed, rush to his local bookies and stand in front of the slot machine for six hours, bypassing food and drink entirely. He lost £2,500 that day. “Every fibre of my being was concentrated on gambling,” he recalls. “When I lost all the money, and I walked out of the shop, I was left with this adrenaline hangover.” It was the culmination of four years of gambling that had left him depressed and suicidal. He was just 16 and still at school when he became addicted to fixed-odds betting terminals – otherwise known as the “crack cocaine” of gambling. When he couldn’t play, he experienced withdrawal symptoms that left him anxious, agitated and unable to relax.
Now 33, he remembers that particular wasted day in front of the machine. “That was when I wanted to end my life because I felt like there was no way out. You see it all the time with gambling-related suicide; someone experiences a big loss and then immediately takes their own life. I remember what that feels like. I know exactly why that happens. It doesn’t even have to be a huge amount of money. It’s just that feeling of loss of control, loss of agency and a sense that you are never going to feel normal again.” Fortunately, through therapy and family support, Zarb-Cousin kicked the habit and has long since repaid his £20,000 in debts. And as director of Clean Up Gambling, he is now taking on the industry that nearly destroyed him.
