HMRC sent in the heavies even though I paid tax for mother’s carer

For Simon Hattenstone, trying to help his mother, Marje, turned into bureaucratic nightmare. Photograph: Christopher Thomond/The Guardian

It was my worst nightmare. Setting a payroll, sorting out holidays and tax and national insurance for other people. Becoming an employer.

But that’s what it had come to. At 93, my mother, Marje, was no longer capable of looking after herself but she didn’t want to leave Manchester to live with me or my sister in London; nor did she want to live in a home for elderly people.