As she watched the sun go down on the last evening of her Greek holiday, Tracey van Alphen-Read felt it was setting on her life too.
The big-hearted community care nurse had witnessed so much grief and anguish during Covid she yearned for a new role supporting patients facing the end of their days.
Yet, as she watched the final rays of sunshine sink below the horizon that night in October 2021, mum-of-one Tracey was aware her own mortality also hung in the balance.
She had discovered a breast lump shortly before the holiday which doctors believed was cancerous. She says: “It could not have been more shocking finding the lump.
“Everything came crashing down. I just knew my life would never be the same again. I’d recently applied to be a palliative care nurse, and ironically here I was facing the same fate as the patients I’d care for.
“Just weeks before I’d been dancing at a music festival with flowers in my hair, surrounded by people I loved, but now all that seemed to be a different life, one I’d never have back again.”
On the day she landed back in the UK with husband Lex, Tracey was told by doctors she had a Grade 3 tumour – before getting a phone call to say she’d landed the career she wanted.
“Lex and I just drove around in silence for two hours trying to take it in,” she says. “The only thing that interrupted us was a call telling me I’d got the palliative care job. I had to explain I’d have to put it on hold while I dealt with my cancer treatment.”
Tracey, of Cheltenham, Glos, had come to a crossroads in life that she had long feared in the back of her mind. She already knew the dreaded BRCA2 cancer gene was in her family through her dad’s mum Queenie. “She died of ovarian cancer which is also caused by it,” says Tracey, 48.
Her cousin in South Africa also carried the gene and had needed a full mastectomy and her ovaries removed for a chance of survival when she fell ill. “So I knew how horrific this could be – like losing what made me a woman,” says Tracey. At the end of October she started her first of six intensive rounds of chemo lasting 20 weeks. Due to Covid restrictions, she had to attend hospital visits alone, with Lex, 54, waiting patiently in
their car outside.
“The chemo was beyond horrific, genuinely making me feel like I couldn’t carry on,” she says. “But with Lex and my son Jordan, along with my cousin Ali, I made it through the constant nausea, the sepsis and losing my hair.” At the end of January last year, just weeks before the end of her chemo, she was told what she’d feared since the start – that she was definitely BRCA2-positive and would need a full mastectomy and her ovaries removed to give her the best chance of survival.
“The day after I was told I was positive, my cousin called me to say she’d had a recurrence,” says Tracey.
“It made me realise how very real this was, how my life was balanced on a knife-edge.”
Six weeks later Tracey had the double mastectomy and reconstruction. Then, in July, she had her ovaries removed. The surgery was difficult for her to process. “Given my age, it was out of the question to have other children,” says Tracey. “But I wasn’t at the age when menopause would be a thing. I wasn’t prepared for it.
“So it was hard to take it in. But I knew I just couldn’t give up, I couldn’t let this cancer win.”
Tracey kept looking at photos of herself at the Camper Calling Festival in Warwickshire, where she had danced just weeks before her diagnosis – to remind herself she still had so much to look forward to.
She says: “I grieved losing my boobs, feeling and looking twice my age – so I had to look forwards to a new, brighter future. So many gorgeous sunsets and carefree days dancing with friends and family.” Then last February she found a challenge to boost her determination to beat her illness– an advert for the London Landmarks Half Marathon.
Tracey’s last 5k run was nearly 10 years ago, but she knew this tough event was her “calling”.
“My hair was just starting to come back, and people told me how strong I was,” she says. “On so many days I’d been as far from strong as I could imagine, literally wanting to give up and die rather than live through this. But each day was another day closer to beating this cancer.”
She also knew that by the time the half-marathon takes place in spring she would have rung her cancer end-of-treatment bell – and she decided there was no better way to celebrate than to raise money for charity Breast Cancer Now which supported her through her treatments. So far Tracey has raised more than £500 – halfway to her £1,000 goal. After months of training, she’ll be on the start line with Lex and her son Jordan, 27, on April 2.
“I filled in the form and bought my first pair of running shoes,” she says. “Running – showing that my body was working again despite missing what I felt made me a woman – was my way of showing I was different, but not beaten. Lex and Jordan instantly said they’d do it with me, my team by my side. It just felt so right. Running is so out of my comfort zone, but I’m loving it. It makes me feel alive. I’m not broken, I’m stronger than ever.” Last month, after 16 months of treatment, Tracey got to ring that bell signifying her treatment was over.
She has now returned to work as a community care nurse. “I am not working in palliative care yet, but that’s my long-term goal now,” she says. “If I’m dealing with someone at the end of life, I can feel it. I’ve been where they are. I’ve looked death in the face, and it was scary.
“I’ll be a better listener, all round better holistic practitioner. It can’t not change you. I’m excited to be back at work, with renewed enthusiasm and focus. My body’s cancer-free, but I know that’s far from a guarantee that it’s gone. Every minor ache and pain makes me spiral into a panic.
“I’ve gone through an early menopause now, but as a nurse who has supported so many people in dire straits, I do feel blessed to have this second chance.”
Tracey is also thrilled to be the dancing woman she remembers from the Camper Calling Festival once again – and didn’t hesitate in buying her tickets for August.
“I’ll have my face glitter and garlands ready,” she says.
To support Tracey visit justgiving.com/fundraising/tracey-van-alphen
How to check for breast cancer
BRCA genes first hit headlines in 2013 when Angelina Jolie had surgery to reduce her breast cancer risk after losing her mum to ovarian cancer. The star found she had a faulty copy of the BRCA1 gene.
The NHS recommends these regular breast cancer checks:
- Feel each breast, armpit, and up to your collarbone for lumps.
- Look at your breasts in the mirror with arms by your side then raised.
Changes to look out for:
See a GP if you notice these changes...
- In breasts size, outline or shape
- In feel of their skin such as puckering or dimpling
- A bumpy area in one breast or armpit
- Nipple discharge
- Any change in nipple position
- A rash, crusting, scaly or itchy skin on or around your nipple
- Any discomfort or pain in a breast
