The scars run so deep for Player X that even now he can barely mention the name of John Yems.
Yems is the Crawley boss banned last week by an independent FA panel for 18 months of racist conduct towards his players.
Listening to one of those on the receiving end - speaking on condition of strict anonymity, even now - you understand why Black players still feel football doesn’t do enough to protect them from racist abuse.
“The biggest problem is that a lot of people support him,” Player X told The Mirror. “A lot of people have relationships with the person that we have had punished for using racist language. People knowing who I am wouldn’t do my career any good. I’d be the one that it would come back on.
“At the top, players have a lot more power and a much bigger profile, so it gets stamped out faster. But in the lower leagues, the managers have the power and a lot of friends - and they know it. People would believe him, not me.”
Yems, who had denied the charges, was found guilty on 12 counts and banned until 1 June 2024 - a punishment the FA are pushing to have increased. The 63-year-old’s offences included calling a player of Asian heritage a “curry muncher”, a Muslim player a “terrorist”, black players “Zulu warriors” and mispronouncing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s name to sound like the n-word.
He would constantly ask one Black player if he’d eaten jerk chicken the night before, even after the player made clear he was of Nigerian descent, not Caribbean. He also made a string of Islamaphobic remarks.
“It was all the time,” Player X added. “Normal behaviour - and he got away with it for so long. People say that there’s no place for racism in football but there must be because that person can get another job and work in football again next year, after he serves his ban.
“He’s been working in the game for 20, 25 years. People know him. They know what he's like. You don't start acting like this at 63 years of age. The jerk chicken thing was regular. He’d always say that. Even though the boys were from East London and their parents were from Nigeria.
“The worst thing I saw him do was when the boys were playing darts. Two Black guys and maybe four or five white guys. He said, aiming it at the Black guys: ‘You lot don't play darts like that - and he did an action as if he was throwing darts at the board - you do it like that…’
“And he blew through his hand to indicate a blowpipe. At first you can’t believe it. You laugh more out of disbelief. Anyone who has ever experienced racism will know what I mean.
“You’re completely disarmed because you’re not expecting it. It’s only later that you wish they could have found the right words to deal with it. But by then the moment has passed. You have to understand, I’d never dealt with anything like that in my life. I’ve heard about racism from my parents and how it used to be.
“But I went to a diverse school. If anything there were more Black and Asian kids than white kids. So you’d like to think those days are gone. But there are still people behaving like that.
“A player would never ever talk to another player like that because there would be a fight or an argument. There's consequences. But a manager at that level knows he can get away with it. It's a massive abuse of power.”
Some players, Player X continued, looked the other way, cowed into showing solidarity only in private. “Football is a team game,” he explained. “But it's very much self employed. You look after yourself.
“If someone's playing in front of you rightly or wrongly, they're happy. They want the bonuses, they’ve got to look after their families. Especially in the lower leagues. So they looked after themselves - even when they knew it was wrong.
“And that’s what I mean about an abuse of power. Because they probably thought: ‘If I don’t laugh at his jokes, is he never going to involve me?’
“People would say to me in private that he was the most racist person they’d ever met. But why tell me in private? If it's not in front of the manager then that’s not standing up for the Black players. It's the manager doing it - no one else.”
Yems joined Crawley in December 2019. Player X went on: “At first he would make the odd joke but not extreme or racist. The team was more diverse at the time, more mixed, so maybe he felt as though he couldn't say what he wanted to.
“But a few months later a lot of the Black or ethnic players left and the ones still there were younger pros. So I guess he felt he could say what he wanted. The kids couldn't just up and leave to play elsewhere. Where would they go? They had to stay and hope that he let them go out on loan.”
Yems was also found to have asked a Muslim player “10 or 15 times” if he carried a bomb in his bag. He’d also told the same player that he couldn’t have a training vest because “your people blow stuff up with vests”, implying he was a suicide bomber.
Two players were revealed at the hearing to have started drinking as a result of Yems’ conduct on their mental health. Player X went on: “It killed their confidence. Players tried not to show it but you could see the way that it affected some of them in the dressing room and around the club.
“They were not focusing on football. They were worrying about what that person was going to say to them next. If you’re a young footballer, mentally and physically, there’s enough pressure as it is. You’re fragile because you’re finding your feet.
“So you can only imagine how it is having racial stuff said to you, going into training and wondering how to deal with that day.”
Asked whether he’d gone to the CEO, Erdem Konyar, to complain about Yems’ conduct and the impact it had been having on the squad, Player X said: “No way.
“He and the manager were together all the time. Pretty much every day. So what would be the point? How am I supposed to tell him?”
The panel’s written reasons state Konyar - who gave evidence via video link from Turkey: “never saw anyone in distress or unhappy over anything Yems said. Some players were unhappy over not being selected but that was different.”
The written reasons also state Konyar: “had nothing but positive things to say about Mr Yems. He never heard him do or say anything racist or discriminatory. It was unimaginable that he would not have heard if there was such widespread racist language by Mr Yems as alleged.”
But Player X added: "If you appoint someone and say: ‘This is my manager, I back him’, and someone then says: ‘This manager is racist, he's making racist remarks to players’.
“Are you going to come out and say: ‘You know what, you're right. I appointed the wrong person. I appointed a racist person’? That's not what people do, in my opinion. People only protect themselves. So no, I never ever spoke to the man.”
In the end, a group of Crawley’s players went to the Professional Footballers’ Association for help. They in turn contacted the FA and an investigation was launched. Remarkably, Yems gave an interview to radio station talkSPORT after he was banned, claiming HE was owed an apology.
Player X went on: “I don’t think it was the smartest thing for him to do but do you know what? It was probably a good thing he gave that interview. Some people might never have heard of him before that. But after listening to him, maybe they’ll have got an idea of what he's like as a person.”
The case has thrown the spotlight back on to the handling of racism cases after the independent panel reached the unnecessary conclusion that Yems was “not a conscious racist”.
Player X said: “ I don’t even know where they were going with that. “Children could be unconsciously racist because it is learned behaviour. But when you're of a certain age, you know what you're doing. If it's a one off, maybe you could say you didn't mean it. But continuously? No way.”
The 18 month ban - which amounts to six weeks per offence - has also drawn heavy criticism. The FA have appealed in an attempt to have it increased. But Player X does not feel let down by the panel, which included Black former Notts County striker Tony Agana.
“The problem with a panel is that it’s not one person's decision,” he said. “They made a point of it being the longest ban ever given out for discriminatory language. But I was still disappointed.
“I’d just like to think that this sort of thing doesn't happen to other clubs. This person was a football manager at a football club. A very powerful position. “You affect a lot of people's careers. You could get someone a move to another club if they play and do well for you.
“You can also tarnish someone's career if they don’t do the things you want. You can say that they ‘have an attitude’ or that they are ‘a bad egg’.
"So I don't know. Honestly, I can't say I'd like to think it wouldn't happen anywhere else. But I don’t know.”
