Birthdays can become pretty expensive pretty fast. Not only to the host, but the guests as well. From covering travel expenses to buying gifts and contributing to group activities, the dollars can add up quickly.
Last month, TikTok user Sean Lans shared a video about skipping a friend’s birthday dinner because it was too costly for him. Sean still went to congratulate his buddy, only he joined the party after everyone ate.
This, however, didn’t sit well with his friend, who felt disappointed by Sean’s late arrival, saying he missed out on sharing the full experience.
“I think it’s unfair when someone chooses a really expensive restaurant for a birthday dinner”
“It’s causing this disagreement with a friend right now, for his birthday, he chose a restaurant and the cheapest entree is $41. And so I didn’t go and now he’s mad at me. The reason I decided not to go is because the plan was dinner and then going out and the place he chose to go out already had a $35 ticket, and I am a little bit broke as it is. So I said: Okay, I’ll skip the dinner and then just go out, I thought that was a good compromise, because I would still be seeing him on his birthday. “
“The dinner just wasn’t appealing to me, like the item I would actually get on the menu was $47”
“Because the $41 item was a burger, just the burger and the patty, and the fries was $11 extra. And you know, at a fine dining restaurant, a burger’s just gonna be three bites. And I also don’t eat red meat. When I met them after the dinner, it was clear that the vibe was a little bit off and a mutual friend was like, yeah, he was kind of mad that you didn’t go and I said: Yeah, I don’t really know what to say. I’m not really looking to spend the equivalent of a week of grocery money on a single night out.”
“I think I made a fair compromise. So I don’t know what to tell you. And it’s not like I ditched him”
“There were other people at his dinner, but I’m pretty sure none of them actually wanted to go to this restaurant, because who wants to spend a lot of money on awful food with small portions? I guess I was just the only one to speak up and said: yeah, that doesn’t really work for me, but I’ll meet you out after. Just read the room. Yeah, it’s your birthday. But you should know if your friends are going to be happy with where you choose. So yeah, I stand by my decision. I don’t think your birthday is about doing the biggest, fanciest thing. It’s about having fun with your friends and doing something you like.”
Sean’s video has since gone viral
@seanlans Restaurants in new york are so expensive in general it’s actually crazy #nyc #birthdaydinner #storytime #gay #expensive #broke #fyp ♬ original sound – Sean Lans
It’s understandable that people want to commemorate their birthday — the occasion is one of the most significant days of the year to many.
And who better to spend it with than your closest confidantes? A 2022 YouGov poll of 1,000 Americans showed that 72 percent spend their birthday nearly every year or at least some years.
However, among certain circles, as illustrated by Sean’s case, birthday parties have ballooned beyond the standard blowing of handles.
But while lavish celebrations give single and child-free adults an opportunity to bask in the spotlight similar to the effect of weddings and baby showers, as we can see, throwing massive events can strain a relationship.
Weekend trips, expensive experiences — think multi-course meals, excursions, and concerts — or multiple events over many days have been becoming popular choices.
Some even go into debt for these lavish affairs. According to a report from Credit Karma, 36 percent of Gen Z and Millennials said they have a friend who drives them to overspend; of those, 15 percent of Gen Z and 21 percent of Millennials cite birthday celebrations as the reason for their spendthrift behavior.
Written into the social contract of any friendship are a number of expectations, thinks Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies and the director of the Relationships and Technology Lab at the University of Kansas.
Hall has narrowed the expectations of an ideal friendship down to six categories, ranging from similarity with the other person to enjoying their company. Where does acknowledging a birthday fall within these defined assumptions of friendship? “It doesn’t,” Hall said.
Conflict in friendship arises when two people have differing ideas on what it is to be a friend, Hall explains. In this gray area, tensions brew, say, if the birthday honoree expects their best friend to throw them a surprise party but the BFF considers a thoughtful text message sufficient acknowledgment.
But even though most people have supported him, some disapproved with his decision
