MIAMI — Just checked the statutes to make sure nothing had been codified in the past couple of weeks and could find nothing at all. So let’s make it official, and legal:
You are not required by law to root for the Buffalo Bills in these NFL playoffs solely because one of their players suffered a serious recent medical scare on the field.
We tread carefully here through the gravity of this. Bills safety Damar Hamlin could have died from that cardiac arrest and prayers surely were answered that he did not. By all reports he is making a full and rather miraculous recovery that should have all football fans cheering. A grateful nation has seen his near-tragedy flip to a feel-good story.
Hamlin’s rally from death’s doorstep might well be the luckiest the Bills have gotten in their mostly sad franchise history. To the superstitious it might be a hopeful omen, perhaps, that a first Super Bowl win for western New York is now destiny.
Yes, there are reasons one might support the historically underdog Bills beyond and long-predating the Hamlin situation.
But does Buffalo deserve America’s rooting interest this postseason?
Or are other teams even more downtrodden, better suited to the underdog role and more deserving of nonpartisan support?
Yes. At least three other teams, as a mater of fact.
They include the Miami Dolphins, who travel to Buffalo as huge underdogs and likely again without their starting quarterback for Sunday’s playoff game.
We rank the 14 playoffs teams from least — to most-deserving of your support if your team is not in the hunt. This is based on on our Franchise Misery Index, a combination of the number of seasons since a team’s most recent championship, most recent title-game appearance, last playoff victory, and last playoff appearance.
The lower number, the better a team’s fans have had it lately (so don’t be greedy).
The higher the number, the more desperate a team’s fans have the right to be entering this postseason.
— No. 14: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 6 points — Bucs won the Super Bowl two seasons ago. They have Tom Brady. They’re frauds to even be here after winning a pathetic division at 8-9. I’m not even sure folks in Tampa should be rooting for Tampa.
— No. 13: Kansas City Chiefs, 7 points — Won it all three seasons ago. Andy Reid draws mustaches on sleeping players in a TV ad. Patrick Mahomes takes a “jazz bath.” If your head coach and quarterback are celebrities making commercials, we hate you.
— No. 12: Philadelphia Eagles, 15 points — Philly won the Super Bowl in 2017. Eagles fans once booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs at halftime. Get outta here expecting any love, brother.
— No. 11: Seattle Seahawks, 22 points — Hard to believe (or recall), maybe, but Seattle won Super Bowl as recently as 2013. Mitigating in their favor and worthy of support: Miramar’s own Geno Smith is enjoying a career renaissance at age 32 and will be the oldest QB to make his first playoff start since Rich Gannon in 2000.
— No. 10: Baltimore Ravens, 24 points — Crows were champions fairly recently (2012), but will pick up literal and figurative underdog points if Lamar Jackson (knee) is out again and Tyler Huntley (out of Hallandale High) starts at QB.
— No. 9: San Francisco 49ers, 33 points — Niners last won a Super Bowl in way-back 1994 but were in one just a few years ago. Hard to root for a team hauling in a 10-game winning streak, but the heroic emergence of formerly little-known Brock Purdy — “Mr. Irrelevant” as the last pick of the 2022 draft — is a neat, fun story.
— No. 8: New York Giants, 39 points — G-Men won it all in 2011 but have sniffed the postseason only one time since before this run under first-year coach Brian Daboll. And has Daniel Jones saved his career?
— No. 7: Cincinnati Bengals, 57 points — Zero Super Bowl wins since franchise birth-year 1968 screams lovable underdog. Reaching the SB just last season and having Joe Burrow does not scream lovable underdog.
— No. 6: Dallas Cowboys, 59 points — Since winning three Super Bowls in four years from 1992 to 1995 it has been a lot of lean times. Just so hard, though, to root for an outfit that calls itself “America’s Team” and has Jerry Jones out front.
— No. 5: Jacksonville Jaguars, 64 points — Duuuval has yet to win a Super Bowl or play in one but is a fairly new franchise (since 1995), so the fandom gets no “long-suffering” card to play. But dog points because this is only the Jags’ second postseason since 2007. And bonus points because Trevor Lawrence always looks like he should be saying, “Gnarly, dude!” while carrying a surfboard.
— No. 4: Buffalo Bills, 88 points — Root-for cred: Zero Super Bowl wins and none played in since losing four in a row (!) from 1990 to 1993. OK, and yes, fine: Damar Hamlin. But nobody’s underdog because: Fifth playoffs in past six years, Josh Allen and Super Bowl betting favorite most of this season. Rooting for the Bills is a bit like hoping Elon Musk wins the lottery.
— No. 3: Los Angeles Chargers, 95 points — Bolts fans last cheered a championship (while in San Diego) in pre-Super Bowl 1963, when Chargers won the AFL title as Beatlemania bloomed. And this is only the club’s third playoff since 2009. Even with Justin Herbert, still a Cinderella vibe to this outfit.
— No. 2: Minnesota Vikings, 113 points — This team has zero championships in franchise history. That’s 62 seasons! Vikes last even played in a Super Bowl in Bud Grant’s 1976, though they have been in six NFC title games since. Minnesota is only denied the Misery Index crown because it won a playoff game a mere three seasons ago.
— No. 1: Miami Dolphins, 115 points — Points breakdown so you don’t think we cheated: 49 (seasons since last Super Bowl win) + 38 (years since last SB appearance) + 22 (years since last playoff win + 6 (years since last in the playoffs) = 115. Dubious winning margin: The lonnng gap since Miami last won a playoff game on December 30, 2000. Bonus root-for points: Fins are biggest underdog in first round of playoffs thanks to likable Tua Tagovailoa being ruled out again by his latest concussion, and quirky coach Mike McDaniel looks like somebody who wins too much on “Jeopardy!”
— Side note: The Detroit Lions, so close to making the playoffs, would have won our postseason Misery Index with a whopping 167 points had they advanced.
— Bottom line: The playoff team America should be rooting for this weekend will be playing in Buffalo.
But it isn’t the Bills. It’s the other team.
