As Gianni Infantino unleashed his explosive monologue in front of a packed-out media centre on the eve of the biggest festival in the football calendar, my mind wandered back to my secondary school history lessons.
"Ich bin ein Berliner" - I am a Berliner - former US president John F. Kennedy said in his notorious speech in 1963. Delivered at the height of the Cold War, the speech will forever be enshrined in Western history, as a metaphor for the principles of unity, democracy and equality.
On Saturday, it felt very much like the FIFA President was trying to have his own JFK moment. But his sensational, no holds barred - borderline unhinged- 54-minute rant seemed more akin to an address by David Brent from The Office. Just minus the guitar.
“Today I feel Qatari," he said. "Today I feel Arabic. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel [like] a migrant worker.”
Each assertion felt more ludicrous, tone-deaf and overwhelmingly offensive than the last. I'm a white woman and, therefore, cannot speak of the plight of Arabic, African or disabled people with any greater insight than Infantino himself.
I do, however, work in women's football where the level of tolerance and empowerment afforded to marginalised groups, particularly the LGBTQ+ community, is one of the women's game's greatest selling points.
It's for those reasons that publicly advocating for this particular World Cup has been inconceivable for some of the most high-profile figures in the women's game. England forward Beth Mead said earlier this month she would not show her support for the event in Qatar, where homosexuality is illegal and, in some instances, punishable by death.
Mead, who is in a relationship with her Arsenal teammate Vivianne Miedema, told BBC Radio 4 that the ban on homosexuality in Qatar was “the complete opposite of what I believe and respect”.
Her sentiments have been echoed by a number of other female footballers, including Everton's Izzy Christiansen, who has withdrawn from all of her World Cup media duties, and Lionesses captain, Leah Williamson, who told BBC Radio 5 Live she "hasn't got any interest" in watching the tournament.
At the Women's World Cup in 2019, 40 of the participants were openly gay, lesbian or bisexual. In Qatar, there'll be zero openly gay players. And with a Qatar World Cup ambassador describing homosexuality as "damage in the mind" just weeks before the tournament was due to begin, is there any wonder that number is so low?
It was almost laughable how, in his self-indulgent tick-list of minority groups, Infantino managed to exclude half of the global population. “I feel like a woman too!", the FIFA boss added when reminded of his error later on in his address.
In a country where Shariah law dictates that women must obtain approval from a male guardian to get married, women under the age of 25 must secure a man's permission to leave the country, and single women who get pregnant face prosecution for extramarital sex, it's unsurprising women were omitted from Infantino's staggering opening diatribe.
“Everyone will be welcome in Qatar" has been the message perpetuated by FIFA officials in the lead-up to the tournament, including Infantino himself. But in a year where women's football is riding the crest of a wave sparked by the summer's record-breaking Euros, and with next year's Women's World Cup promising to be the most highly-anticipated showpiece event in women's football history, what sort of message does it send to stage the men's tournament in a country where women are relegated to a supporting role?
Perhaps most startling of all were Infantino's comments on migrant workers; more than 6,000 of which are reported to have died in Qatar since preparations for the World Cup began. His pretence at understanding their plight was almost beyond belief and leaves a sour taste in the mouth when you compare his own salary reported to be in the region of $250,000 a month, with that of migrant workers, many of whom pick up as little as 45p an hour.
"We have been taught many lessons from Europeans and the Western world," Infantino said. "I am European. For what we have been doing for 3,000 years around the world, we should be apologising for the next 3,000 years before giving moral lessons."
He is right, of course. It's easy to get on your high horse and condemn Qatari culture without first looking back at your own country's past.
But, what Infantino failed to consider when he branded Western consternation at the Gulf state's human rights record as "hypocrisy", is that this is not about the past. The World Cup has put Qatar's presence under the global magnifying glass and FIFA's ambivalence towards the stark findings sets a grim precedent for football's future.
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