Gary Barlow has revealed how losing his daughter Poppy gave him strength and perspective.
The 51-year-old singer spoke movingly about the tragedy as he launched his new one-man show A Different Stage in London’s West End.
As well as featuring his hits, it tells the story of Gary’s life from how he grew up in a Cheshire town and joined Britain’s biggest boyband, as well as his battles with bulimia, booze and cannabis.
Gary told how his wife Dawn gave birth to their fourth child Poppy,
who was stillborn, days before he was due to perform at the closing ceremony of the London Olympics.
He said: "It's August 2012, Dawn has gone for a last minute check-up. Only four days to go, we're all so excited. Name is on the nursery, Moses basket, cot, clothes all over the floor waiting for the main player to arrive.
"Dawn calls and something's wrong. Now this is one of those phone calls where you live a lifetime in a second.
"We all have coping mechanisms, back there was the bulimia and the hallelujahs in the toilet. I'm not saying just having a run is going to cure it, but those were my coping mechanisms. I dealt with this by turning into bloody Inspector Gadget.
"OK everybody, 'what to do' lists. Speak to the doctors, tick. Clothes for the hospital, tick. Somewhere for the kids to go, tick. The only problem is Inspector Gadget doesn’t have a gizmo for this.
"It was like someone sitting in our house and saying, 'The journey you are about to take is going to end in a car crash'. Then sadly handing you the keys."
Dawn had to be induced and Gary said he was dreading seeing the baby. But he added: "The moment that Poppy Barlow was born the light that filled the room was just magical.
"Over that next hour we took turns nursing her, cuddling her, having pictures taken with her, hands, footprints, just anything to try and extend those short 60 minutes.
"But the nurse came and told us our time was up. We kissed her good-bye and off she went."
Gary praised his wife Dawn's reaction to the ordeal but told how he struggled to cope at first.
He said: "From that point on, she did all her talking with actions.
"As soon as she was allowed back on her feet – pick-ups, drop-offs, parents evenings, playdates, the whole time coping with loss so deep. There are just no words for that kind of strength.
"I found myself back in that familiar place, not knowing any of the words or where to stand, nor what to say. I needed to accept this wasn’t a scar that was going to heal with time, this was a scar I was going to die with."
Gary said the tragedy eventually gave him the ability to properly reflect on his life for the first time and gave him a new sense of perspective.
He told how his song Let Me Go celebrated Poppy's life, explaining: "This guy has got the gift of Poppy Barlow, the gift of perspective. I’d never had that before. A real lesson into what’s important."
Gary - who also performed from a balcony at Thursday's show launch - said that his change in attitude helped him deal with bandmate Jason Orange 's announcement in 2014 that he was
quitting Take That, leaving the future of the reunited group in doubt once again.
He said: "It hit me, this is probably the first life-changing decision he’d made since joining the band in 1990.
"The old version of me would have sat, begged, coerced, small talked, done anything to make him stay. But, here we go again thank you Poppy Barlow, this new guy just sat back and said: 'Mate, these are your days on the planet. If this is what you want, then go for it'."
