Behold, the current must-have accessory for all the most grimly murderous dictators – a pet American idiot. Not just any American idiot, obviously. You need a male, mid-50s to early-60s, ideally fire-damaged by a recent career setback, who just wants to see the best in you for coins. In short, you need someone of the … calibre, would you call it? … of Tucker Carlson or Johnny Depp.
The past week or two has seen the formal reveal of two of these new dictator-pet acquisitions: Vladimir Putin’s kind offer to rehome the stray former Fox News host, and Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman’s generous response to the question How Much Is That Deppy in the Window? Answer: a rumoured seven-figure tourism promo deal and forking out for one somewhat indifferent period French film. I know. Pets are very reasonably priced, not to say embarrassingly cheap.
