For most people, summer holidays are joyful: family gatherings, good food and the calmness of disengaging from work.
For people with an eating disorder, the holidays can also present a stressful contradiction.
Emma Hagan has recovered from her disorder. But she says anorexia nervosa — an illness involving restrictive eating — had hijacked parts of her childhood.
"I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 11 and it was a perfect storm for me: I was a very anxious child and I grew up in a bigger body," she says.
The 27-year-old says her illness first developed as a way to prevent schoolyard bullying — "because back in the early 2000s, the idea of having the perfect weight or being as small as possible was pervasive".
At the time, Ms Hagan was too young to understand the "psychological pull" of her illness, but she says it stayed with her into adulthood and manifested as exhaustion and an unhealthy focus on food.
"I wouldn't break it up into years though, because it was … the relapses of my illness that really shaped my life in a lot of ways," she says.
Summer holidays were among the hardest times to live with her eating disorder.
"There's a focus on wearing less clothes because it is hotter, but there's also the impact of diet culture that says we should allow ourselves to eat whatever we want at Christmas," she says.
"But only on the condition that we make up for it in the new year.
"So it's that conditional relationship with food, around having to earn it rather than being able to enjoy it and move on with your life."
Ms Hagan adds that the downtime over summer created a "listlessness" that played havoc with her anxieties over food and weight.
One in three women avoid swimsuits
Melissa Wilton of the Butterfly Foundation, which supports people with eating disorders, says summer brings a cruel and "nonsensical mixed message".
"We're told to enjoy, relax and indulge, but we're also expected to fit into some ridiculous-sized swimming costume to go and show ourselves off at the beach," she says.
"You can't win, and that's part of the diet culture and the society that we live in.
"One-third of women avoid wearing a swimsuit in public because they're concerned about their body — and that's really sad."
The Butterfly Foundation has launched a holiday campaign in response to "toxic messaging" around body-shaming, overindulgence and diet culture.
Ms Wilton says people feel particularly stressed at this time of year.
"There's a big focus on bodies, there are a lot of social events around food, and people are seeing family members they might not have seen for a while," she says.
Ms Wilton advises people to look out for signs of an eating disorder in themselves and others.
"There are restrictive eating disorders and then there are binge-eating disorders and bulimia nervosa, which are actually more prevalent," she says.
"People might be exhibiting compulsive behaviours, such as body-checking and being preoccupied with their looks and weight.
"Or they might feel anxious about appearing in public."
She says experiences vary from person to person, "but if your loved one is changing their relationship with food, or they have gained or lost a lot of weight, or are getting anxious around food", they may need support.
The foundation's helpline — 1800 334 673 — is available seven days a week from 8am to midnight in the eastern states.
Food should be celebratory and positive
Ms Wilton advises people to have "non-judgemental" conversations with those who may be struggling, to "ask if they're concerned about their eating or body image".
"But don't make insensitive comments," she says.
"Don't say anything about someone's weight or appearance, even if a person's [shape] seems to have changed since you last saw them."
Another tip is to reframe food as celebratory and positive.
"And be the role model that you would want your family to see," she says.
"So, don't make [negative] comments about your own appearance or eating habits."
Practise eating Christmas food beforehand
Ms Hagan now has two university degrees and hopes to become a lawyer.
"I am able to use my brain in a way that I could never do if I was to give in to my eating disorder," she says.
After years of struggling, she says she overcame her illness when she realised she was "sick of being sick".
"And I got really practised at knowing the theory of eating disorder recovery," she says.
"So, knowing the things to say and different modes of treatment.
"I'm also eternally grateful to my parents for providing practical and financial support.
"They had meals with me and encouraged me to continue in my recovery when I wanted nothing more than to stop and give up completely."
Ms Hagan's advice to those struggling with an eating disorder is to not put off seeking help, because recovery is possible and can be permanent.
As for summer holidays, she says a technique that helped her was to practise eating certain Christmas foods before gatherings in a controlled environment.
These "practice runs", usually at home by herself, helped reduce her anxieties around food because she could "gather evidence" that the food would not harm her.
"Then I could replicate it on Christmas day, so that it felt safe," she says.
"And try to find someone you can turn to, someone who can be there during hard meals or be there afterwards.
"Just make sure to connect with what you want, not what your eating disorder wants."
