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Freddie Flintoff has laid bare the physical and emotional turmoil he has suffered in the wake of his near-fatal Top Gear crash, admitting he “genuinely should not be here”.
The former cricketer was involved in a horrifying accident while filming the motoring show in December 2022, which led to the BBC suspending production for the “foreseeable future”, saying it would be inappropriate to continue.
In a new BBC series, Flintoff opens up about the crash, which left him with facial injuries requiring surgery, revealing for the first time that he still suffers nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety.
“I genuinely should not be here after what happened,” he said, revealing that he was unable to “just shake it off” after the crash.
In scenes set to be shown on Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams on Tour, which begins on BBC1 on Tuesday, Flintoff said shortly after the accident: “I don’t want to sit and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want sympathy. I’m struggling with my anxiety, I have nightmares, I have flashbacks – it’s been so hard to cope.
“But I’m thinking if I don’t do something, I’ll never go. I’ve got to get on with it.”
Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams on Tour sees the retired cricketer head to India with the unlikely Preston youth cricket team he trained in the original 2022 series.
In the new series, he describes his recovery as a “long road back”.
The documentary shows the former Lancashire all-rounder in hospital shortly after the crash, where he can be seen saying: “I need help, and I realise I’m not the best at asking for it. I need to stop crying every two minutes.
“I’ve got to look at the positives, haven’t I? I’m still here, I’ve got another chance, I’ve got to go at it. I’m seeing that as how it is, a second go.
“I’m really looking forward to seeing the lads again and being around them, I really am.”
Speaking about moving past the accident, Flintoff added: “As much as I want to go out and do things... I’ve just not been able to.”
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The star goes on to say that he believes the crash has changed him forever. When asked if he is feeling better, he replies: “Not really, I’m not sure I ever will again, to be honest. I’m better than I was.
“I don’t know what completely better is. I am what I am now, I’m different to what I was, that’s something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Better, no, different.”
In the episode, Flintoff’s former Lancashire teammate Kyle Hogg, who helps to coach the team, can be seen telling the players about his crash, and that their trip to India will be postponed.
Hogg says: “He just needs a bit of space at the moment. When they started, Fred was there for everyone in the room, this is genuinely the time that you lads are there for him.”
In a piece to camera, he adds: “Fred’s accident is really bad, he’s going to need a lot of recovery time, he’s pretty lucky that he’s managed to get through it alive.”
Since the crash, Flintoff has agreed to a financial settlement with the corporation’s commercial branch, BBC Studios, worth £9m.
