For all footballers out there lying about their past glories: the taxman cometh

Max Rushden in command at Old Trafford during the United Relief game in 2010. Or was he? Photograph: Shirlaine Forrest/Getty Images

Those of you who follow my content with even the faintest interest will know I have been squeezing every last drop out of perhaps five anecdotes for more than two decades.

So with no apology, presuming that Stockholm syndrome has set in and you have been trained to enjoy their retelling, here is the day I almost won a header against Jaap Stam.