It’s been a quiet transfer window, all things considered, with even the worst internet attention-seekers refusing to don their yellow ties and take a day off school for its final day, their mum’s toy spaceship left idling in a shoebox under the bed. But there might yet be some action – not like that, how dare you – so let’s dive in.
Crystal Palace are enduring a miserable season, rapidly slipping down the table and now in danger of relegation, the perfect example of how to ruin unexpected success. On the other hand, Steve Parish’s quiff still looks pristine, so swings and roundabouts, but he’s now faced with a problem: does he stop lovingly tending it to consider Nottingham Forest’s £35m bid for Jean-Philippe Mateta, or simply pretend that no such thing ever happened?
