Childbirth is one of the most daunting and dangerous experiences a woman can go through. And while it’s worth it to finally hold your beloved little baby in your arms, it’s certainly not an experience that many moms want to have alone.
So when one father missed the birth of his first child because he offered to take a friend’s place at work, his wife was more than furious. Below, you’ll find the full story that the dad detailed on Reddit while asking for advice, as well as a conversation with Relationship Coach Jane Parker.
Childbirth is an extremely intense experience for mothers
Image credits: Jimmy Conover / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So when this father missed the birth of his first child, his wife was unsure if she would ever be able to forgive him
Image credits: shotprime / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: firiedad
“The presence and support of a partner during childbirth can significantly impact the emotional connection and strength of the relationship”
To gain more insight into this situation, we got in touch with UK-based Relationship Coach Jane Parker. Jane was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and shed some light on why it’s so important for both partners to be present for the birth of their child.
“It is a transformative event that can be physically and emotionally challenging. The mother will likely need the support and comfort of her partner to provide reassurance and ensure she receives the necessary care,” Jane shared. “This momentous occasion is one that they will remember forever, offering an opportunity for deep connection and a demonstration of their commitment to each other.”
“Many couples I have worked with recall the birth of their children as a defining moment, regardless of whether their partner’s presence met their expectations or not,” the relationship coach continued. “Women, in particular, tend to remember their partner’s response to the birth in great detail. This can often deepen their bond or lead them to question their partner’s dedication.”
“The presence and support of a partner during childbirth and the time following the birth can significantly impact the emotional connection and strength of the relationship,” Jane added.
“This father should not have gone to work that day if there had been any sign of his wife going into labor. At least, he should have gone home as soon as he heard she was in labor to support and reassure his wife,” the expert says. “Regardless of how long the Doctor said the labor was going to be, she was already scared and therefore already needed him to be there.”
A healthy work-life balance is necessary to maintain a strong relationship
Jane says that struggling to achieve a healthy work-life balance can create issues in a relationship. “It is one of the most prevalent causes of relationship failure among my clients,” she noted. “The demands of work often leave couples with insufficient time and focus for their relationship. Over time, they may start to fulfill their emotional needs at work rather than at home, leading to a misalignment of priorities.”
The expert shared that making time for our partners is crucial for sustaining strong relationships. “When this work-life balance is neglected, spouses can feel insignificant to their partners, which often results in communication breakdowns and emotional disconnection,” Jane told Bored Panda.
“The meaningful time, activities and conversations that foster love and connection become rare due to a lack of time and energy. Consequently, couples may find themselves drifting into a friendship-like dynamic rather than maintaining a romantic partnership, or having frequent conflicts,” she added.
We also asked the expert what advice she would give this couple. “This is a very sad situation. The mother clearly needs space to process her own emotions about his choices and to understand whether he is going to be a reliable husband and father in the future,” Jane says. “It will seem risky for her to trust him again. She needs to feel safe and secure and that she can rely on him to put their family first in the future.”
“He needs to prove to her that her and their baby are his utmost priority, even if it means choosing them over his job at times”
“The husband needs to respect her need for space and time and to consistently be reliable in every way over a long period to help her to learn to trust him again,” the relationship coach shared. “He needs to continue to show remorse and take full responsibility for his actions and choices.”
“If she wants to talk about it he needs to be willing to do that, even when he thinks there’s nothing more to talk about. He needs to prove to her that her and their baby are his utmost priority, even if it means choosing them over his job at times,” Jane added.
“The mother is in a very difficult situation as she is adjusting to life with a baby, in someone else’s home and with an unsure future. She should allow herself time, surround herself with supportive people, and take good care of herself until she feels able to make the best decision about her marriage,” the expert says. “I would suggest also that they get professional help in the future to help them talk about what happened in a more constructive way.”
Finally, Jane added that the husband has been extremely naive and has vastly underestimated the physical and emotional distress that women can go through in childbirth. “To go through childbirth alone after a stillbirth is unimaginably more difficult,” she shared. “It seems he lacked empathy for his wife whilst she was pregnant in order for him to make his decision.”
Many readers took the wife’s side and explained why the father made the wrong choice
However, some were sympathetic towards the dad and understood that it was an unfortunate situation
