Fingers on your buzzers! It’s Joe Lycett’s quiz of the year!

We want great, clear answers! Joe Lycett gets his quiz questions ready. Photograph: Suki Dhanda/The Guardian

1. This was the year that Boris Johnson’s behaviour during lockdown finally caught up with him. But when Partygate started to close in this January, what was the name he reportedly gave the plans to defend himself?

   1. Operation Save Big Dog

   2. Operation Protect the Poobah

   3. Operation Disco Lizard

   4. Operation Compulsive Liar

2. The Sue Gray report was published this year, revealing in stark terms the levels of revelry that took place at Downing Street while the rest of the country was locked down. Which of the following things did not happen at any Downing Street parties, according to Gray?

   1. Someone was sent to a cornershop to fill a suitcase with alcohol

   2. Someone got drunk and damaged a child’s swing set

   3. Someone brought a karaoke machine from their house

   4. Someone sprained an ankle playing Twister

3. Before the report was released, I mocked up my own version – partly out of anger, partly for jokes – containing several made-up activities. Which of the following games did I say took place during a Downing Street lockdown party?

   1. Foxtrot and pin the tail on the winky

   2. Slow dance and pass the arsehole

   3. Electric slide and pubical hairs

   4. Jitterbug and competitive vomiting

4. After Partygate finished Boris Johnson off, Liz Truss was named as Britain’s new prime minister. But how many people voted for Truss to get the job this year?

   1. 24 million

   2. 5.9 million

   3. 986,000

   4. 81,000

5. After Truss was elected, I appeared on the first episode of Laura Kuenssberg’s new Sunday morning political show to sincerely show my support for her and her policies. The next day, which headline ran on the front page of the Daily Mail?

   1. “Now BBC comic mocks Liz Truss”

   2. “The most dangerous man in England”

   3. “Lycett must apologise”

   4. “The day comedy died”

6. Before being forced to resign, Truss sacked Kwasi Kwarteng, her chancellor and closest political ally. Assuming that you don’t sleep, how many times could you have watched Top Gun: Maverick in full in a row during Kwarteng’s stint as chancellor?

   1. 103 times

   2. 257 times

   3. 414 times

   4. 753 times

7. Despite being prime minister for less than two months, Liz Truss is now entitled to receive an annual public duty costs allowance. What is the maximum that Truss can claim every year for the rest of her life?

   1. £22,000

   2. £45,000

   3. £85,000

   4. £115,000

8. What was the original title of the Liz Truss biography that, despite being written in a hurry, didn’t come out until several weeks after she resigned?

   1. Out of the Blue: The Inside Story of Liz Truss and Her Ascent to Number 10

   2. Out of the Blue: The Inside Story of Liz Truss and Her Astonishing Rise to Power

   3. Out of the Blue: The Inside Story of Liz Truss and Her Unsinkable Premiership

   4. Out of the Blue: The Inside Story of Liz Truss and Her Love of Instagram

9. This year marked 50 years of Pride, something that lots of brands decided they were suddenly interested in celebrating. The Royal Mint was one, so which of the following was not a real official Royal Mint Pride strategy?

   1. Putting five rainbows on a 50p coin

   2. Selling a rainbow-covered Minty piggy bank

   3. Making a glow-in-the-dark £20 note

   4. Donating £40,000 to London LGBT Community Pride

10. The Fifa World Cup took place in Qatar this year, in a blaze of controversy over several huge human rights infractions. For example, homosexuality is illegal there, and punishable by seven years in jail. How much was it said that former Attitude cover star David Beckham is being paid to promote Qatar over the next 10 years?

    1. £10m

    2. £50m

    3. £150m

    4. £3bn

11. As a result of Beckham’s weird silence in the face of this deal, I called him out online. Unless he promised to see the error of his ways and immediately sever ties with Qatar, what did I threaten to do?

    1. Shred £10,000

    2. Go to Qatar and start a fight with him

    3. Boycott Haig Club whiskey

    4. Seduce Posh

12. England’s Lionesses won Euro22 this year. But what was the team’s biggest victory during the competition?

    1. 4-0 against Northern Ireland

    2. 6-0 against Sweden

    3. 8-0 against Norway

    4. 10-0 against Germany

13. The Commonwealth Games were held in my home town of Birmingham this year. Which of the following facts is untrue?

    1. There is a crater on the moon called Birmingham

    2. Oxygen was first discovered in Birmingham

    3. Birmingham has the largest public library in Europe

    4. The American national anthem was written by a woman who was born in Birmingham

14. Matt Hancock surprised nobody at all this year when he sacked off his constituents in favour of an estimated £400,000 gig taking part on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here. Which of these bushtucker trials did he not take part in?

    1. Crawling blindfolded through maggots

    2. Eating camel penis

    3. Sifting through piles of raw liver in a roomful of flies

    4. Being submerged in a tank full of eels

15. What unusual event happened in the Shropshire town of Wem in May?

    1. A riot

    2. An earthquake

    3. A spate of arson

    4. A lion escaped

16. The year has been dominated by Ukraine’s ongoing defence of a Russian invasion. What was the name of the Ukrainian sitcom that president Volodymyr Zelenskiy starred in before taking office, where he played the fictional president of Ukraine?

    1. Man of the Hour

    2. Servant of the People

    3. Master of the Valleys

    4. Lord of the Rings

17. The UK is currently in the grip of a debilitating cost of living crisis. Which of the following supermarket staples has seen the biggest average percentage increase over the past two years?

    1. Heinz tomato ketchup

    2. BBQ beef Super Noodles

    3. Lurpak Spreadable

    4. Birds Eye potato waffles

18. This year, a local council made plans to erect tamper-proof versions of a road sign that kept being stolen. What did the sign say?

    1. Bell End

    2. Cock Bridge

    3. Brown Hole

    4. Bum Avenue

19. What did the artist Sam Cox finish doing to his six-bedroom house this October?

    1. Painted it entirely black

    2. Glued all the furniture to the ceiling

    3. Doodled on every available surface

    4. Filled it with balloons

20. Supply-chain issues have continued to wreak havoc on the country this year. In particular, the hen-night industry has been ravaged by shortages. Which is the only item that hasn’t caused party organisers to gripe to the press?

    1. Inflatable penises

    2. Willy straws

    3. Willy jelly moulds

    4. Penis pasta

Solutions

1:A - Sadly none of them worked and we lost one of the great prime ministers in generations. Thankfully, he was replaced with someone even better!, 2:D - Also, someone got so drunk that they accidentally tripped a Downing Street panic alarm, provoking a police response. Great banter!, 3:B - Nevertheless, my report was briefly passed around Downing Street as fact., 4:D - Fun fact: 81,000 minutes is about 56 days, which is seven days longer than Liz Truss was prime minister. Who says maths isn’t fun!?, 5:A - Naturally, I framed the front page., 6:C - That’s a lot, isn’t it? So let’s have a bit more respect for Kwarteng., 7:D - Due to inflation, by next year £115,000 will only cover one weekly shop., 8:B - On publication, the title had been changed to Out of the Blue: The Inside Story of the Unexpected Rise and Rapid Fall of Liz Truss. Catchy!, 9:C - The piggy bank can be yours for just £155., 10:C - Roughly the same as being a former British prime minister for 1,300 years., 11:A - I never expected to hear from him in the first place, so I pretended to shred the money to gain as much press as possible before revealing that it was a stunt and that I had already donated it to LGBTQ+ charities. Sounds like a mental breakdown, doesn’t it?, 12:C - They also beat Northern Ireland 5-0., 13:D - Plus, in 1875 it was estimated that three-quarters of all the world’s pen nibs had been made in Birmingham. We’re still very proud to this day., 14:D - That last one went to Chris Moyles and Owen Warner., 15:B - The quake measured 3.8 on the Richter scale, officially classifying it as minor., 16:B - It was good, too., 17:A - The price of ketchup has risen by 53%., 18:B - If you’re interested, Cock Bridge is 130 miles south of Twatt., 19:C - Cox is known as Mr Doodle, presumably because Mr House Price Depreciation was already taken., 20:D - The price of a blow-up doll has apparently doubled this year. I’m blaming Liz and Kwasi for that, too.

Scores

1. 20 and above.

   You are Robert Peston. Take a day off.

2. 15 and above.

   It was a historic year, and you have absorbed most of it. Well done I suppose.

3. 7 and above.

   You have a grasp of the basics, but next year please try and observe the unceasing hell of current events a bit more closely.

4. 0 and above.

   Well, someone hasn’t been paying attention to the news. What a blessed life you must have.

More, More, More! How Do You Lycett? How Do You Lycett? is streaming now at watch.joelycett.com