While Australia’s media was getting a serious going over at the hands of special rapporteur on the occupied Palestinian territories Francesca Albanese for its distorted reporting on the Israel-Hamas conflict (for her trouble, her words were distorted in basically every headline reporting her address), Fox Business Network provided a lesson in choosing the right kind of talent.
Host Neil Cavuto turned to a figure long associated with a nuanced and deep understanding of the geopolitics of the region. I’m speaking of course about ’90s romance novel cover model par excellence, Fabio.
“Israel was closing a deal with Saudi Arabia … so that they could ship all the oil to Europe — and, of course, most of the oil comes from Russia — and to Asia. So, of course, who was selling the oil to Asia? Iran. That is why Iran, all of a sudden, attacked Israel. That’s the real reason,” argued the 64-year-old who increasingly resembles a dodged-up AI simulation of himself.
Fabio went on to attack US President Joe Biden as the weakest president America has ever had, adding usefully that Biden can’t even ride a bike.
It put us in mind of the strange predilection for asking celebrities what they think about things other than their area of expertise.
Ja Rule
On September 11, 2001, there was only one person MTV could think of to make sense of the senseless — “I’m Real” rapper Ja Rule. The patent absurdity of the interview became the subject of one of the great stand-up routines about celebrity worship:
Mal Meninga
The rugby league player had what must be the shortest and thus most thoroughly documented political career in Australia’s history. Answering the first question in his first interview announcing his candidacy as an independent for the ACT seat of Molonglo in the territory election of 2001, Meninga said: “And the thing about that is, I guess, I was a public figure and I was put on the podium where I was just a person out there … I’m buggered, I’m sorry, I have to resign.” His career as a politician can be clocked at roughly 28 seconds.
Various on the Voice
Former attorney-general George Brandis argued that the Yes campaign for an Indigenous Voice to Parliament should adopt a “no Cate Blanchetts rule” (which, obviously, Blanchett completely ignored). Other Australian celebs such as Cathy Freeman, Celeste Barber, Tom Gleeson, Magda Szubanski and Paul Kelly all voiced their support.
But none of that was as interesting as the interventions from two icons of ’90s US pop culture. First was the early involvement of retired basketballer Shaquille O’Neal which drew, you know, a mixed response. Then eminent billowy-trousered pop-rap icon MC Hammer threw in his two cents. “I’m with you. Australia it’s time. Repair the breach,” he wrote on X, fairly comfortably dealing with the inevitable heckles that followed, to the extent that no-one picked up on the very obvious invitation to clarify “What time is it?”
Josh Widdicombe
We are all familiar with the dull trope of leftie comics won’t shut the fuck up about politics — a charge, whatever its merits, that is apparently endlessly fascinating to those who make it. Regardless, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll have anything to say. Take the experience of English stand-up Josh Widdicombe on the BBC’s This Week, a show designed for people who want to think about politics but not that much. It is (and it’s not just us saying this) pretty painful to watch.
Ja Rule again
Oh you think they stopped asking Ja Rule what he thought of major political events just because he wasn’t all that famous anymore? In the simpler air of 2015, Fox Business (the Fabio thing is starting to make more sense…) got his take on the coming US presidential election. His initial view — “I like Hillary, but you know, it’s crazy because I also think Jeb is a good candidate as well” — might seem less illuminating than literally asking anyone else to just name the two people who at that time were considered most likely to be the major parties’ nominees. Still, his ultimate concession of “I’m a Democrat, so I would vote Hillary”, betrayed a lack of enthusiasm for Clinton that would prove prescient.
Honourable mentions
There was Virginia’s representative at the 2014 Miss America pageant for a cogent enough answer to the then-recent gutting of Syria and Iraq by Daesh forces, and the most 2004 in Australia event imaginable, when the immortally named Merlin Luck used his eviction from the Big Brother household to unfurl a banner reading “Free th (sic) Refugees”.
