Q. My wife of 38 years died five years ago after a very long bout with cancer. I have three married children. It was a happy marriage, and the kids miss their mother very much. I do, too, but after living with her cancer for five years, once she passed, I was ready to just have some fun. Two years ago, I finally met someone. I feel very fortunate to have had two great loves in my life and we are talking marriage. My kids are very upset. They are concerned I will forget their mother and they are worried about their inheritance. It’s causing me a lot of stress and I find myself avoiding them. What’s good ex-etiquette?
A. So many think, “Since my children are now adults, of course, they will understand.” It is true for some things; maybe once they have children, they can finally understand why you said things like, “Don’t make me pull this car over!” or “Because I said so!” But when it comes to moving on after a breakup or death of their other parent, adult children have an equally difficult time adjusting to someone new as a young child does. It may be even more difficult.
If you appear happier than you have been in a long time, your children probably are afraid you are forgetting their mother. And if you are avoiding them, it may look to them like you are forgetting about them, too. To them, it may look like you are avoiding them because of this new person. Check the message you are sending.
