Ex-etiquette is a weekly column. Each week I answer your questions about breaking up, starting over, and co-parenting. In last week’s column I made a comment about not being in favor of co-parents splitting the holidays. Because my readers felt this was out of character, I got a lot of email. Comments like, “You always say children have the right to time with both parents. How can you say you are not in favor of splitting the holidays? I thought you were about what’s fair.”
Of course, I am. But the truth is, parenting plans are written for the parents, and the first rule of good ex-etiquette is, “Put the children first.” It’s difficult for children to do things like get up in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner because they are scheduled to be at the other parent’s home at a specific time. And when parents tell me, “It’s not me! That’s what it said in the court order!” it is a little crazy-making to me. Many parents simply don’t know they can agree to adjust the court order any time they want.
Let me explain a little further.
