Every Jetstar flight is a rabid fight for survival. What’s one more humiliating ritual for the masses?

‘According to Jetstar, these changes have been made in consultation with customers and crew. One can only assume the customers begged them to somehow make the whole experience worse and more expensive.’ Photograph: Posed by models; Westend61/Getty Images

Indignity is part of the Jetstar experience. This is why we fly with budget airlines. We understand that for a marginally lower air fare, we will participate in what is less a typical flight and closer to a form of live cattle export. You will be hustled towards your gate, spat upon like the scum you are and hosed down as you exit. This is fine. This is what we deserve. We are the underclass. We are dirt. We are pigs. Pigs do not deserve to fly.

As part of this pact with the airline, we also expect to be gouged if we are foolish enough to make unreasonable requests, such as asking for a piece of cheese and three stale crackers to keep body and soul together on the five-hour flight.