WOE DE COLOGNE
Gareth Southgate gets planning permission to build sandcastles. Gareth Southgate wears a seatbelt when he sits on the toilet. Gareth Southgate’s favourite sandwich filling is another slice of bread. Various Social Media Disgraces were aflame on Tuesday night, offering – and it should be clarified for legal reasons – imagined scenarios in which England’s manager could apply the handbrake outside of his reported £5m-a-year job. Southgate was trending because of England’s 0-0 draw with European heavyweights Slovenia, a performance that one could only describe as an absolute bonfire of a football match if it passed the relevant fire and safety checks.
