Name: Elmo.
Age: Three and a half. His birthday is on 3 February.
Eh? That doesn’t add up, given it’s the end of January. Also, he was born in 1980.
OK, that definitely doesn’t work. Elmo is also furry and red, has a squeaky voice …
Got it! Elmo from Sesame Street, the Muppet monster … Muppet monster turned therapist.
Seriously? Kinda. Elmo posted on X –
Elmo’s on X? Of course, along with Big Bird, Grover and the rest. Anyway, he made an apparently innocuous post: “Elmo is just checking in!”
Oh, he refers to himself in the third person. How annoying. Along with Donald Trump, among others.
What are Elmo’s politics, incidentally? Not important, although Big Bird did have an internet spat with the US senator Ted Cruz a while back – about Covid vaccines – but that’s also by the by. Anyway, Elmo’s tweet. He asked: “How is everybody doing?”
Seems totally in character; what’s the big deal? Well, some of his half a million followers told him how they were. Quite a lot of them, actually. At the time of writing, Elmo’s question has received 12,000 replies and been read 172m times.
And how is everybody doing? Not great.
Oh dear! Would they like to expand? “Elmo I just got laid off,” said one. “Elmo im depressed and broke,” said another. There was anxiety about the presidential election, departed spouses and disrespectful offspring. The journalist Kassy Dillon’s dog had just rolled in goose poo: “Thanks for asking Elmo.”
That’s hardly the end of world. Then I give you: “The world is burning around us, Elmo,” complete with an Elmo-in-flames gif. And: “Elmo each day the abyss we stare into grows a unique horror. One that was previously unfathomable in nature.”
Poetic! By a poet, as it happens: Hanif Abdurraqib. He went on: “Our inevitable doom which once accelerated in years, or months, now accelerates in hours, even minutes.”
Oh my God, Elmo opened a tap and the darkness poured out. Darkness, anxiety, emotional fatigue, isolation …
Perhaps that’s a reflection of the world right now. Any hope in there? A tiny speck, from Abdurraqib: “However I did have a good grapefruit earlier, thank you for asking.”
Thank God for grapefruit. How did Elmo respond to the tsunami of despair? “Wow! Elmo is glad he asked! Elmo learned that it is important to ask a friend how they are doing.”
Hmm, so maybe don’t ditch the shrink just yet. Well, you say that, but one person replied: “Somehow this actually legit makes me feel better.”
Do say: “Hey, buddy, how are you doing?”
Don’t say: “I know your X account is actually run by the social media team at Sesame Workshop.”
