Elliot Page has detailed the dark internal struggle that he experienced prior to making the decision to come out as a transgender man.
The Juno and Umbrella Academy actor, 35, decided to transition in 2020 and hasn't looked back since, but admits that previously he had “struggled to live” and “didn't know how much longer” he would survive.
Speaking candidly to Jay Shetty on his On Purpose podcast about the various feelings he had during his transition journey, Page explained: “For significant periods of my life I struggled to function on a pretty basic level, it was hard for me to literally sit down, it was hard for me to be productive, for me to be present at all.
“I couldn't see the future because I didn't know how much longer I would last feeling that way.”
Page also noted that he thought continuing to live life in that way and looking towards the future was “impossible”.
He went on to reveal that he had even contemplated how he would continue to work, as he called his manager in turmoil about continuing to live a lie.
Page explained that eventually he decided that he needed to come out and was prepared for any judgements, as he thought it would get him blacklisted from Hollywood.
“Pre-transition I always had a sense of wanting to flee,” said Page as he reflected on how it drove him to seek out love instead.
While he says he found it “so hard to exist and function” in relationships, it was better than the alternative, which was being alone.
“[In my] relationships in my past, I was selfish because I would fall in love just so I could have a moment to breathe,” he added.
Before transitioning, Page dated Samantha Thomas (2015-2017) and then Emma Portner (2018-2020), who he went on to marry before coming out in 2020 and the pair split.
These days Page says he no longer craves love in the same way and can finally be happy in his own company.
“I feel exhilarated by the fact that I can be alone. I'm very much enjoying connecting with people, maybe having some fun, but sort of just being on my own right now,” he said.
“So, I'm single.”
Another knock-on effect from his transition was his relationship with acting, which he says is “so much better” now.
“Literally everything in my life is better now,” Page declared.
“There's this ability to just exist every day on set and just be in my body.”
