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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Interviews by Harriet Gibsone

EastEnders star Charlie Brooks looks back: ‘We were just two kids from Wales. That fed into never quite feeling worthy’

Born in Hertfordshire in 1981, Charlie Brooks is best known for her role as Janine Butcher in EastEnders. Charlie’s acting experience began at Ravenscourt Theatre School in Hammersmith, which she attended with her brother, Ben, whose career as a child actor began with leading roles in 90s kids shows Aquila and Samson Superslug. Aged 17, Charlie became one of EastEnders’ most notorious villains, and she has remained a prominent TV actor. Along with Ben, who is now a director and writer, she has founded iampro – an online drama and production school. Charlie is currently touring in the stage adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

Ben

My mum was pretty experimental when it came to fashion in the early 80s. I certainly rocked some questionable outfits, such as the dungarees in this family photograph, which are almost like lederhosen.

I was three when my parents arranged for the photo to be taken – the start of a long period of annoying my sister. I was pretty boisterous as a boy. We lived above a restaurant in north Wales and I would hang out of the window so I could drop things in people’s tea. Once, Charlie broke my school folder, so to get revenge I went into her room, which was covered in West End posters and programmes, and ripped them up. The Grease one hurt in particular. I got in serious trouble.

I really tried to hang out with Charlie and her friends, but as I was just that bit younger she didn’t want her little brother anywhere near her. As we got older, things changed: we’d often have a disco at our house with speakers and lights, and we both loved doing local theatre. I used to play the little cheeky lads, and Charlie would do the more serious roles. She was always adamant about studying at theatre school. Part of the reason why my parents agreed to let her go was because she had this big period of anxiety – she hated normal school and kept thinking she could see a ghost of the Blues Brothers at the end of her bed. To stop her from feeling so scared, I slept next to her for three years.

I came along with Charlie when she went to her audition for theatre school, and one of the tutors asked: “Does he want to join too?” Maybe there was a lack of young boys at the school, but they really wanted me to sign up. My dream job at the time was to be a pilot, but I saw acting as a possible adventure so I went along with it.

After that, Charlie and I – 12 and 10 years old – left home and boarded with a lady and her daughter in London. It was a big change that bonded me and my sister. We weren’t that streetwise at first – there were some ropey moments when the kids from local schools spotted our bright green blazers, realised we went to the theatre school, and would take the mick. But we learned to fend for ourselves. A year and a half later my mum said she couldn’t be without us, so she moved up to live with us.

Those early days in London were tough for Charlie: I seemed to be getting every job I was auditioning for, and she wasn’t. Then her career took off. When she first appeared in EastEnders, she used to get a lot of stick because her character was quite nasty. We’d be out and people would shout mean things at her, as if she was actually Janine rather than an actor. I was fiercely protective of her. The show had an audience of 17 million people at the time, and some of those people felt they had the right to say what they wanted to her, just because she was in their living room every night. I couldn’t get my head around it.

There were lots of good times, too. We’ve always liked to cut loose and have a laugh, and we go to Ibiza every year. When we lived in west London, our neighbour hated us as we had parties all the time. One time I put on Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight and handed out frying pans and ladles to our friends – when the drum kicked in the whole party had something to whack. Popcorn was flying and we were drinking champagne. It was a really good night and I’m sure we’ll have many more.

Charlie

I’m wearing a jumper dress that my nan knitted. She made a lot of our clothes, and I used to hate them as they were so itchy. Ben is sporting a strong look. We’re a cuddly, tactile family so me pulling him in for a hug wasn’t just for the camera.

He might have got on my nerves when we were little, but we became best friends. We shared a social circle as teens and hung out throughout those years. At the bottom of my parents’ garden was a bedroom/funhouse, and as all our family are very salt of the earth and love a drink, it became an open house with tons of people around all the time. Me and Ben were always doing performances for mum’s friends.

I was a bit anxious as a child, so it was very sweet that Ben shared the bed with me when I was 10. As well as the Blues Brothers, I thought I could see a fly moving around the room, when it was probably just a mark in my eye. It would make me stressed, and I’d have a little panic attack and hide by the radiator. Maybe I was an attention-seeker, but I think it was mostly a manifestation of anxiety – I didn’t fit in at school as I wanted so badly to go to theatre school. So I did. And this little shit came along for the ride!

Being in London without our parents wasn’t a comfortable experience. In the break times at school, I remember calling my mum and crying, but I knew how much emotional and financial strife they’d been through to get us there. We were just two little kids from a small town in Wales, and I was lonely. That fed into never quite feeling worthy somehow. I always felt slightly out of my depth. I even felt like that when I was in EastEnders – I was super-confident and grownup in many ways, but inside there was also total fear.

I’m still a work-in-progress, but I’m starting to let the impostor syndrome go now. I feel as if I know myself better, and I stopped drinking, which has helped massively. Me and my brother have had a lot of long conversations about self-doubt, too. When we started iampro, I’d film videos for Instagram and I’d hate doing it – I felt as if I had nothing to say. He’d say: “Charlie, you’ve got so much experience, you can do this!” Ben has been an amazing person to get a pep talk from over the years.

When I had my daughter, Kiki, I was quite young, and Ben was off travelling, so we had our separate lives for a bit. It’s been brilliant to get back to seeing him more and running our own company. Business and family can be complicated, and at the start I would often think: “I want my brother to be my brother and not a colleague.” But we’ve got a good balance now, one that requires a huge level of understanding. I am so proud that we really take the time to listen to each other, something that brings us closer. Our relationship is, and always has been, really special.

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