Every few months, the world informs me I am disgusting in a new way (I should replace my pillows every two years; my toothbrush is a petri dish, etc). But surely the revelation in the Financial Times that we should be changing our underwear every six months doesn’t come as a shock only to me?
To clarify swiftly, that’s “change” as in throw away and replace. “Doctors generally recommend replacing underwear every six to nine months,” the article explains. “Because, quite simply, washing doesn’t remove everything.” This, it turns out, is not new information: most advice on the internet suggests six to 12 months as the appropriate lifespan for pants. Alternatively, in 2021, a consultant gynaecologist suggested another approach to the Independent: “I would say a maximum of 50 washes for a pair of cotton M&S underwear would be fine.”
Very little of the underwear in this house would meet either the age or wash test. Indeed, one of the few pairs of pants I’m certain I have washed fewer than 50 times dates from 1995 (they’re so uncomfortable, I never wear them). I could have watched the Vancouver Winter Olympics (2010) wearing several other pairs. I didn’t realise this was bad, but reading further into the subject, the science does, upsettingly, seem to suggest it might be: some bacteria, viruses and fungal pathogens are not completely eliminated by washing at under 60C. More upsettingly still, the paper where I learned that included the tersely devastating sentence: “The avg pair of adult underwear contains an avg of 0.1g of feces.” Argh!
I headed straight to M&S on reading that, but the underwear department only confirmed how long it had been. I was unable to identify the pants I used to buy back in the day, and instead faced a baffling onslaught of fabrics and proprietary names: Flexifit Modal Thongs, Boston Microfibre No VPL High Rise Shorts, ContourWear No VPL Brazilian Knickers and SmoothEase Invisible Comfort Shorts. I was reduced to wandering around, sadly whispering: “I just want a multipack of plain black cotton pants.” And yes, I know how old this makes me sound – even older than my pants.
