A Derry mum who was left heartbroken when her baby was stillborn after 36 weeks has opened up about how she is now helping other parents cope with their own grief.
Annmarie Watkins, 38, lost her baby Aideen on June, 14 2018 when she suffered distal villous immaturity at Altnagelvin Hospital's maternity department.
Annmarie told MyDerry that she was around one month from her due date and was "very much looking forward" to welcoming her baby girl into the world.
Read more: Derry woman who became a foster mum at 26 on how she changed dozens of lives
Annmarie said that her pregnancy was "going well" until she attended the hospital with a kidney infection.
The mum-of-four said that her doctors weren't originally concerned about Aideen until she noticed "that their demeanours completely changed".
She said: "I had diabetes during the pregnancy and I had suffered from a couple of kidney infections. I was brought into the hospital with a kidney infection. They had discovered that there was a bit of extra fluid around her, but we weren't expecting her to die.
"The day before I went to the hospital she was very active. She was buzzing, and they couldn't get a reading on her because she was moving around that much. I became very sweaty all of sudden and the midwife came around to scan me but I was told that they couldn't get a reading.
"That's when I went to Altnagelvin Hospital to get another scan and I didn't think anything of it, but that's when I went into the room and I noticed the look on their faces.
"Their whole demeanors completely changed and I knew something wasn't right then. That's when the consultant came and told me that Aideen had passed away.
"It was something that I couldn't wrap my head around. This was my beautiful little girl and I thought that this would never happen to me."
Annmarie's husband Aidan was at home looking after their three other children unaware of the tragic events that had transpired.
"I wanted to be the one to tell him," she added. "I had to try and get someone to our house to tell him to come to the hospital, and when I did tell him he was naturally devastated. He couldn't believe it either.
"Our whole world turned upside down. It was pain that I couldn't describe. I never felt pain like that in my life. We were heartbroken.
"I had to tell my other children, who were excited about her arrival, that she had gone to heaven. It was so gut-wrenching for them as well.
"Me and Aidan had to remain strong for them because they were relying on us but the doctors said that they would need to deliver Aideen and that's what they did with a C-section.
"She was beautiful. She had the most wonderful wee face and the darkest of hair. She was perfect, and that's what made it harder to accept and understand because there was nothing wrong with her.
"I went into shock at that point and I don't think I could believe what was happening."
Annmarie was allowed to stay and spend time with Aideen in the Lavalier Suite at the hospital, which is funded by the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity (SANDS).
The 38-year-old said she was allowed to take Aideen home "like you would bring a normal baby home", with the family arriving back on Father's Day.
"I will never forget the day when we left the hospital with Aideen," Annmarie said. "When we were home you could just see that everybody else's lives were getting on as usual but for us, as a family, we were in turmoil.
"But we took Aideen home and tried as best as we could to get on as normal."
Over the next month, Annmarie, Aidan and their family were struggling to come to terms with the loss of their baby girl, with the couple eventually turning to SANDS Northern Ireland for support.
SANDS helps bereaved parents with their grief while raising awareness about stillbirth and neo-natal death to help break the silence about this tragedy.
"The charity was such a big help to me and my husband, especially Aidan," She continued. "He was struggling to open up about Aideen's death and I was struggling with him not doing that.
"I wanted to know how he was feeling about it and when we decided to go along he opened up far more than I ever thought he would because he's natually very shy.
"But with other men speaking at the meetings, I think that's what helped bring him out of his shell and it was a big help to us both. We are stronger for it.
"People tend to focus on the mammy quite a lot in these situations and the daddy seems to get left behind. I was very worried about him.
"SANDS were brilliant for us from the very start. When Aideen passed away they were able to provide us with a memory box, which is a priceless thing to give a mammy and daddy who have suffered a loss.
"There are handprints, teddy bears, and more. It's everything that you would need."
Annmarie has since joined the charity as a befriender which gives other families the reassurance of talking to someone who has been affected by the death of a baby.
"The charity provides a vital service in the city," she added. "SANDS are there from the very beginning and stay with you and give you all of the support that they possibly can. They leave no stone unturned.
"There are people who come to SANDS years after they've suffered a loss and it's through raising awareness that allows the charity to be able to do the brilliant work that they do."
If you would like to contact SANDS NI then you can call them on 07740993450 or by email on NorthernIreland@sands.org.uk
READ NEXT:
- NI city to be reimagined with outdoor seating, road closures and dining areas
- New mural of Derry City legend James McClean unveiled
- Charity gets funding to help 'transform' people recovering from addiction
- Multi-million redevelopment of NI college campus marks completion
-
NI couple who fostered 250 children in 45 years get top award
To get the latest breaking news from Co Derry straight to your inbox, sign up to our free newsletter.
