Deborah James has revealed in her posthumous book that she suffered from panic attacks about death for twenty years - which remarkably stopped once she learned she was going to die.
The late Dame, who tragically lost her battle with stage 4 terminal bowel cancer in June aged just 40, penned the book 'How To Live When You Could Be Dead' whilst she was dying.
In extracts revealed by the Sun, the former BBC presenter revealed at times she suffered from 'crippling anxiety' that 'almost stopped her from living'.
She added that she would often wake up in the middle of the night 'already in the grip of an episode' believing her body was dying.
The attacks didn't just occur at night either - Dame Debs also revealed that she once had to 'flee a changing room in the Karen Millen store in Covent Garden' leaving her in a busy street 'in just my undercrackers'.
Deborah described how her fear of flying even forced her to miss holidays and that she stayed home when she 'should have been out having fun', before revealing how the greatest of ironies 'cured' her.
After discovering she was going to die from cancer she said: "I had no choice any more — I had to look my biggest fear straight in the eye. I'm not, of course, suggesting for one second that if you have panic attacks there is nothing to be done unless you receive an incurable cancer diagnosis which will sort you right out. But honestly, for me, that diagnosis did something that nothing else had.
She added: "On paper I could have — and perhaps should have — had an absolute breakdown, the panic attack to end all panic attacks. But instead, my anxiety levels dropped."
Deborah said she was given no choice but to overcome her fear and 'anxiety about death'.
"I had to face my worst-case scenario. But in having to, I realised I could. I didn't realise my strength until I had no choice — my fight to live was stronger than my fear of death," she said.
Modestly, however, Deborah added that she only did 'what any of us would do' and that she never thought of herself as brave despite people always telling her she was.
How To Live When You Could Be Dead, by Deborah James (Vermillion, £14.99), is out on August 18, 2022. £3 from each UK sale will be paid to the Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK. Cancer Research UK is a charity registered in England and Wales (1089464) and Scotland (SC041666).
