David Archuleta has opened up about his strained relationship with Mormonism since coming out as queer in June 2021.
The singer said he long suppressed his sexuality but was forced to face his reality after suffering a paralysing anxiety attack while out for dinner with his then-fiancé in May 2021.
Having grown up as a devout member of the Mormon church, which does not accept same-sex relationships, Archuleta struggled to come to terms with his sexual identity and suffered from suicidal thoughts.
“You just start feeling like, ‘Oh, there’s probably no point for me to live. I probably would be better off not living anyway’,” Archuleta told People.
He recalled thinking that “God would probably forgive me if I ended my life because it’s better than what I could become, which is if I’m gay or LGBT of any sorts, I’m going to be in big trouble spiritually”.
While Archuleta has since come to find peace and acceptance with his own identity and religion, he struggles to have open communication with Mormon church leaders.
“It got to a point where I was praying, like, ‘God, if you are really there, please take this away from me because I don’t know what else to do,’” he said.
“And finally, there was just a moment where my understanding of God said, ‘You need to stop asking me this. You’re not supposed to change yourself because this is how you are. You are created to be this way. That was just the most freeing thing for me.”
Today, the “Crush” singer’s relationship with his church is “very complicated”.
“For my own mental health, I can’t keep putting myself in a place where it’s so conflicting where they say, ‘We love you so much, but at the same time, you must change who you are. Oh, you can’t? Then we’re going to ignore this problem’,” Archuleta said.
“I just had to take a step away, take a break from religion – because for my own sanity, I did not want to weigh out whether it was better for me to live and exist, or if it was better for me not to exist,” he added.
Archuleta publicly came out as queer in a lengthy post shared to his Instagram in June 2021, in which he revealed that he previously came out as gay to his family in 2014.
